Can Rant, Rather Rave

The big move..

2005-12-31T01:01:00.000-05:00

It's coming... for now be aware that it is this and this is good. Change and growth are good.

This blog has moved to here..

This is due to the fact that my signals are capable of being absorbed more efficiently there.

2005-12-30T12:09:00.000-05:00

I'm having constant sex with the world, Oxygen is the world cumming in my mouth. I love it. I love you. I am alive loving life and you are it. I no longer hunger for the sake of materialism. I hunger for the worlds cum. The sun is cumming on my face. I hunger for it and I stretch upward toward it. I breathe in the worlds cum and I soak up the suns cum. I cum on it all in turn with my existence in it all and I am in life/love with it all. It's a silly way to look at things but then every way is silly isn't it? If you determine so.

Look at the work of Escher, look at all of our symbology throughout history. Look at everything we've brought to be. Our existence is us trying to tell ourselves something. We exist to figure our that we exist. Once we fully figure out we exist we can start training ourselves to exist.

Step 1. Determine that all determinations are merely suppositions. Everything is liquid? Nothing is solid? There are no laws. there is only life living in all variations in all directions, it is infinite and it is as random as the word random suggests, it's the figure eight on it's side, it's infinity without constraint, it's bigger than our concept of conception. We suppose everything we concieve, we are aware of our agreements and we agree with each other because we agressively demand that we do. Stop agreeing agressively in a negative or damaging sense, stop determining that anything affects you negatively, stop concieving of negative input. Stop putting out a negative sense of your physical signals. Do not sensate in overly agressive ways if they damage natural syncronicity, do not sensate in ways which restrict other life, do not bring life to other things in a way which imposes on growth space. Do not allow the signals other things make that are not physically damaging to be determined as damaging to you, nothing is damaging except determination. Once you determine something you are saying that it cannot be changed. Everything can be changed with a little influence. Be aware of life.

Step 2. Attach your mental existence to your physical one in an agressive state. Forget what your concept of agressiveness is. Agressivity is the excitement we all have when we're alive, it's mental attachment we have to all the sensations we exert oursleves into, our shape of reality currently has us stuck in the world on sensation attachment, everythings been about our physical presence here, our bodies, our occupied space in space, the liquid solid us.. Attach your mind to all parts of your physical self at all times. Be aware of your breathing, be aware of your smelling, be aware of your sight be aware of your surrounding sounds, be aware of every sensation you percieve as percievable because perception is 100% up to you and your enjoyment of it is all in your ability to be become attached to all parts of it and drop all pretenses and negative thnoughts, nothing is negative unless you determine it is.

Life determines negativity in a damaging sense, Animals do the most of that determination, why is that? It's because life is about growth and growth is about change and change is about becoming something new and becoming something new is about forgetting about determination in a sense of definitives and beginnings and ends and about allowing oneself to not care if the end is different than we are aware of, it just is and we're going to get there the absolute same way the plants around us do. By breathing in full control of our upward and outward stretch. We need to place awareness into every aspect of our insertion into life, awareness without self. Awareness with life as self, infinite and change as life. growth as undefinable otherwise we restrict oursleves into the definition we create and creating ourselves is not what we do when we're seperate like this, we only create ourselves when we're all truly open to life and through definitives we are closed to it.

You all who do not give in to this yet are fighting your self not me when you become agressive against my positive signals which are now touching you you cannot avoid my existence in this space. I am alive now and I will no longer allow myself to remain unaaware of myself. My physical self, the self I live in.

Live with me,
Love living with me.
Laugh, it's so you can grow. It uses your awareness over your existence.

Concepts are Concepts.

2005-12-30T11:52:00.001-05:00

What do you concieve? Are you truly free? I am now. I am no longer restrained. Restrained is a state of laxness, the sleeping state, the passenger me, the I'm at a movie and everything is external to me. I am not a passenger. I am the driver. 'I am not a ball of clay I am The hand shaping it.

You do not determine ME, You do not define ME. I am not your concepts, I am not your definitions I am life and I grow here. I do not damage you as an organism. I am not pushing you out of the space you physically inhabit in the animal world, I do not overtake you or wish to push you out of existence, you are life too, you share my space and time. Love that you do, I love that I do. I live to live loving. I love to love living. I live to breath and grow upwards, to stretch, to flex my existence into existence. To bring life and awareness into my physical self.

Ego is Ergo. Circa is Definate Infinite.

I Don't Think So

2005-12-29T17:19:00.000-05:00

Well I had better start.

There are two ways to be for me. One is likened to a ball of clay, all squishy and maliable, a product of my influence, open to changing shape and form, an input object, input device. I am what hits me, I am what splashes up against my senses, I am shaped by your touch, the touch of everything outside me, the influentialism of our shared reality in the space. The other way to exist is as a sort of spiked ball, a point light, that is the opposite of the clay as it is not maliable in the same ways and cannot be shaped and squished. The spiky me is influence outward, it's internal reality manifested. It's ego. It's consciousness forced out into this shared space reality, it's me multidirectionally pushing into this space and time with my influence and determinations.

I don't think so. I do think so. I think.

3 Chuen

2005-12-29T16:20:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry world, for some reason it's very difficult for me this day to focus on the normal day to day affairs of societal life. I've got my mind wrapped around large scale issues and it's not easy for me to focus on my usual routines such as web design, employment and casual conversation. Actually it's going to be more and more difficult for me to go about doing this in this society surrounded by the type of minds which exist here.. Can you understand me? O.K. Let's go off in a few directions I've got to go in.. have been going in.. will be going in..

What's the force which causes us to intensify our passion when we embrace each other? Hunger?

I feel that this energy, this thing which causes us to disconnect from our conscious selves and attach to our physical selves is very important. It's a giant determinant to our focuzs as a species, our direction, our purpose, our desire to place purpose or discover it rests here in this, so simple the answer we can never be satisfied with it. A simple answer cannot be the answer! Never! We believe it must be complex, it must encompass everything, it must answer all questions and be interpreted or capable of being interpreted by anyone in any context or application.

You might call this energy a sort of agression or excitement. It's like energy that is aware of itself and is exciteed by the fact that it's aware of itself. Energy excited to be alive. A sense of sensation. Joy. Our problem is determination. We place whole layers of reality on our sensations, we divide and interpret and derive and determine decisions, opinions, likes, dislikes, preferences and assumptions, suppositions and preconceptions. We place "meaning" from within ourselves on every little action without ourselves and our determinations are what lead us to believe one action is more or less desirable than another. We are products of our influences, we only go where we are directed to. We can only go where we are allowed to.. We only think in ways we've been taught to. We only believe in possibiilities which have been defined by us and we only define possibilities in absolutes leaving no room for variability and the natural chaotic randomness that is life. We're trying to define ourselves down into such a strict non"sense" of ourselves that we can no longer even evaluate ourselves and our environments outside the confines of our reckoning, our conditioning, our reams and reams of prior influences. The world that has been pulled over our eyes to blinds us from the truth. To stop us from seeking the truth, to keep us in a dissillusioned foggy state of existance where we think that truths are absolute and reality is external to our chemical insides.

Look at Quantum Physics, look at sacred geometry, investigate the worlds of possibilities which exist and free yourself from the linear path of self division.. This path which has us seperating from each other more and more.. All the while everything we do is telling us that coming together is what we need and want, yet here we are, standing furthur and furthur apart.

Come closer, hold my hand.

These Romans are Crazy Asterix!

2005-12-28T15:00:00.000-05:00

My sister thinks I belong in a funny farm. She thinks I'm a bigot. She thinks I've gone off the deep end. She has stopped reading my blog becausse she thinks I'm spouting nonsense and that I've been taking too much mdma. Just saying hello for the holidays and I find out my poor uneducated sister has stereotyped me into a catagory of peopole who she no longer gives justification to. I'm insignifigant and my words make me considerably easy to be labeled as crasy or deranged I guess.

1. I am NOT a bigot. I am the sum of my experience and influences. I give a LOT of weight to the descriptions of reality which we've already established and practice around the globe. Every thing I know stems from what has been recorded and is enacted every day in the society surrounding me. Everyone and everything has purpose and usefulness. All we have created has been with purpose and thus cannot be dismissed as false or believed as true either. Everything in life is speculation. I speculate my way, you speculate yours. I accept that. Do you? I'll listen to you, will you listen too?

2. Arrogance. Cynicism. Sarcasm. Dismissiveness. I've been all that, had those emotions, mistakenly placed those weights on my consciousness and did wrong by myself and those I rubbed those off on. I'm doing my best to relieve myself of these things and others, they're not serving any purpose in my reality. Nothing can be dismissed, and when it appears to you that I am doing such a thing, forget that thought. It's not happening, I'm merely pausing my intake of that input until my ram is prepped to deal with it. I'm very divided in my focuses and my mind works in whatever ways I work it, so patience please! I know I need more patience too. We all do.

3. Numbers are funny. Todays .. Oc. (Two Oc)

I missed writing yesterday about Muluc, it'll have to wait until next cycle. Oc is the face of a dog, and I think I'll spend some extra time with the animals today. chat will get a trip outside this evening once the streets calm dont and a nice brushing, she deserves it, poor girl has to eat her own fur in order to clean herself. Such a thing is easily made less of a trial with a little brushing. The Oc glyph is interesting to look at, after a while I remove the precept of the dogs face from my intent and determine new visual representations of things from the abstract open minded approach. I'm not going to try listing these ones here thought until I create proper images of the glyphs to store somewhere and refer to. Your current version of the glyph might be different than mine. Isn't history wonderful?

Focalizer

2005-12-26T17:22:00.000-05:00

5. The fifth is central and stronger, a beacon to the rest, a choice of directions, a strong one to stand up for the smaller more weak ones. The layout of a game of oldschool tetherball, a water wheel manned and in motion.. How many ways to interpret this glyph, so open to determination!

Full of Directions..

2005-12-26T10:58:00.000-05:00

Todays glyph to me suggest directions as well, a bit of random any topic/subject and I just feel like writing some in this direction as well today. Here's a little lesson in sense connection to the touch. Brain control over body shape and co-ordination, balance, variation capabilities..

How much precise control do you maintain over all parts of your physical self? What level of control do you have over your face muscles, your toes, and all other parts of your body? Analyze this carefully, the toes and face are important ones to consider, they will give you a more accurate measure of the whole of your abilities because they are the two most often atropheed and because the faces shape is completely your own choice. Get it?

From the moment you are given a physical face to put into emotive shapes, your emotions are the number one factor involved with the shape of it. Remember how your parents used to say that face you were making would stay that way if you kept it too long... they were serious, just not applying it in a way you could identify with in an everyday determination. I have taken it upon myself to begin reshaping my face, my posture and my body shape, even more so, I am striving for a whole new level of control of my physical structure. I am tuning each muscle, tendon and ligament, each joint, on the surface of my body to infinity.

I have very little upper cheek, no squirrels pouch on the sides of my faces to suggest I've spent years of my time with happiness on my face. My cheeks are slack. But give me time. I already feel a difference. My toes, used to be almost incapable of seperation from each other, spreading was something I had little control over, I could curl them tight and open them almost straight, but i had forgotten my toes for many years in my socks and shoes, left them for unimportant. Extensions of me, unimportant! For shame.

Directions..

Arguelles and Such

2005-12-26T10:40:00.000-05:00

I know how much weight and interest is on the topic of the Dreamspell, the tones, the chakras, the whole Arguelles world of outlook. and such, this is all a fantastic thing since it's all directed in the right ways to begin to put thesee messages out to us as a species. There are many things there which have very much weight. I've read much on the internet throughout my research and glyph seeking textpeditions... This is of interest, it's well put together and have a general sense of broadening perspectives to a new level.

It's very true and you'll probably agree with me relatively easily on that, but I'm certain that at the same time your mind will stop you there and have you reply within with some sort of fail-safe from your conditioning.. a but.. or an, oh well.. something non comittal to action, an I don't really care nor do I think that I'll effect change to this reality type emotional response. You're lazy you lazy bastard, get up! Shake it off, go out and get yourself a fresh perspective. reality is NOT what you think it is, in this petty money oriented philosophy. We've got to release ourselves from the clocks and from the currencies and free our minds from the matrix of conditioning we've embraced for so long.

Arguelles, you've got something going but you're still overboard. Left field you might say, you're not quite connected to this enough otherwise you'd spend less time selling yourself and more time figuring out what pebbles need to be dislodged for the big boulders to start rolling downstream. Remember when I said that Gravity just hasn't felt it yet? I'm certain the world took that in one way when they read it, I realize now it's not at all that way. Gravity WILL feel me. Everyone will. You all feel it already, or you can if you just tune in.

Tilt your head to the side on a slant like the Iguana Spot with her eyes half lidded and a rather bored gaze.. I am NOT asleep!

13 Lamat

2005-12-26T09:56:00.000-05:00

According the the Maya Script book Lamat has a few meanings. Planet Venus, heavenly dragon, connection between heaven and earth. The glyph I've got is a four pointed star or a top down view of a pyramid laid out diagonally with short branches reaching out from each of the four corners into the four directions, North, east , South, West. In each of the four quadrants this creates on the glyph reside a small circle. I can see this glyph other ways now. I see it as the concurrent connection of four Y's. Each Y has both a positive and negative side and due to the overlap the positive for one Y is the negative for the next causing all positives to be negatives and vice versa.

What could heavenly dragon mean? What's the generally accepted idea of a connection between the heavens/ the sky and the earth? Lightening, electricity, light, gas? How does the planet Venus fit into a cycle of 20? Whay purpose does what would have appeared to have been just another celestial streetlight have to do with the 8th glyph.... Ahh perhaps that has something to do with it. For thought today is the 13th number of the so called "tones" it is the 8th glyph in the series, the octave and thus make a much clearer sort of sense logically.

The center figure has four sides with four branches, it's four diviner rods moving outwards to seek water and it's the unity of the four directions, holding hands and completing the circle of life. This shape is half repeated on Akbal. The path of the hidden sun at night. The four circles are actually 8. There are four outside faces and four inside faces. Each circle though made up of one line is in fact two circles. That which is outside and that which is in...

Everything is infinity with a twist. Everything can and will vary to the most infinite degree as nothing is the same as anything else even while everything is a part of everything they're all one but unique and purposefully seperate yet connected. The one branch of the one Y is also the other branch of the next Y. One cannot exist without the other or they would cease to fit into the whole Y concept.

Now let's see things differently. The center star shape is no longer that. It's a square middle stick figure who is jumping for joy, possibly doing jumping jacks and there are four of these little men, one for each diagonal direction. They are celebrating life by leapiing into the air of this world and stretching arms and legs out intoall directions. Free from conditioning and redirective constraints. They share the center and appear to be one because they aree one. At the moment it occurs to me that they are actually trying to jump apart, trying to seperate into individuals on the glyph but they cannot. They are forever stuck in the attempt to split apart and become seperate unable to see that the rest of us are nothing more than mirrors of each other and syncronicity exists through our connection.

I encourage you to spend time staring at the originial glyphs and leaving out all the religious/god references to things from your perception of the interpretation of them. Apply what you see/feel/think/know to the most naturalness in life. Think how everything applies to life, living and love in a base snese. Detach yourself from materialism and the necessity to place possessive lables on existing things. Objectively evaluate the focus you place upon your determination in this place. Decide if your path here is truly an active matter in your reality of if you are just floating along in the ebb and tides of an influential reality. Are you a member of the audience or are you a member of the play? Don't you have a key role to play? If you do not recognize it, that's ok, the global consciouness will pass that task on to another when you do not take it up, when you are not awakened and do not heed the importance of this all. We love you and even if you don't see it, we will work on your behalf, on the behalf of everyone.

Maya Script - Maria Longhena

2005-12-26T02:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday being Manik.. Today still really until I sleep it'll still be today regardless of what clocks say. I forgot to mention I've gathered some basic info from the above mentioned book. Manik realtes to: Hand, deer, hunting, farming, sacrifice.. How did it go.. well above and beyond all of it, I miss my love. Anne I can't wait until you come back! I yearn for your presence and every moment I place direct thought on the subject of you is hard and creates such rushes of emotion throughout me it's unimaginable.

I did some writing, entertained close friends, thanked people for things they deserved thanking for, shovelled the apartment buildings front entry and sidewalk, took my cat out for the duration, cooked dinner for four, shared homemade toadflax/lavendar tea, helped a friend with his business, had a couple of what you might call epiphinies? How do you spell that? lol.

There are three animals sharing my space a lot of the time now aside from Anne and Daniel, lol. Theres Chat, my wonderful cat who's capable of going unleashed outside with me at night. Theres Mina, Daniels Cat with her skin problem and non allergenic fur, she has lost a bunch of fur in the last month oddly enough and even though it seems to be getting better slowly theres a few scabs on here all over still. Then theres Spot the Iguana, shes phenominal. I keep picturing great big wings on her! Dragon girl with a bit of attitude that suggests she knows she's supposed to have wings and what shit she'd show you if she had em.. ohh you just wait. lol

Ok I'm really loving writing.. I miss you Anne my love. Can you feel me?

Isn't It Wonderful..

2005-12-25T23:29:00.000-05:00

..to have friends?

Absolutely. Christmas gifts all around! Gloves and scarves, useful things. Company and love, warmth and nourishment, laughter and sharing, these are a few of my favorite things. You're the best! Together we're the best! Who? Damn right, everyone!

O.K. time to K.O. the old Christmas. Sorry if you're stuck in the system and this doesen't agree with you but get a grip on your mouse and lean back. This holiday is a dial on the systems combination lock, just another thing to keep us chained to money, gregorian time and the necessity to position ourselves linearly within time for historical and educational purposes in religiously misleading directions.

Certainly I agree that celebration is in order during the cycle of life, celebration IS life, there should be nothing to life but celebration of it and love for it but we're all lost thinking we are the center of it all and can't be happy celebrating ourselves over all else for more than a short time. We're posers. Christmas is a posers holiday, it's the celebration of a short story from a library. It's nothing more than a means to assist with a money driven economy and society. Buy, give. Santa doesen't exist in the bible, God doesen't exist at the North Pole. Love exists. Love is why we celebrate and Love is why we give gifts.

Merry Christmas anyway though. It's still here and we all still identify with it. So while it's around let my festive emotions abound and hopefully they'll all get around. How's that sound?

12 Manik

2005-12-25T12:56:00.000-05:00

So manik resembles a hand, thumb and index finger touching, bridging the meridians of life through connectivity of the self to self. On the back of the hand rests, in some glyphs, a circle with triangular directionals and in others a dot contained within a two layered circle. So for some I could surmise it points to direction in terms of connection and a path to take, to work on, to put my hands to. The other could be the single most important point, the conscious mind, the self, the me I must work on, the reality which exists inside my fields of energy, my inner more personal field and my outer more influential field. Possibly a connection between the two, a pulse from one to the other with a core determination. One the one, the circle is surrounded not by a second circle but instead a semicircular beginning from the wrist and ending near the thumb. It then continues in the form of 8 dots which come to and end at the outer edge of the hand, the outer side of the palm, the karate chop side. What's 8 mean to me?

Yann likens the numerical system associated with the days of the Tzolkin to a more base reasoning than the dreamspells derivative. 8 in our culture in association with harmony and tone relates to an octave change. The beginning and end of each scale, the alteration of volume or force from one intensity level to the next. So in terms of how I view the 8 in this system of reckoning at this "time", I see it as a reason to amplify my efforts relating to the influential directions I'm taking in life.

You see, there is nothing for me in this life save influence. It is for me, for my life, for my existence, to influence. Aside from being a tool of my influence, a shape brought to life from the sum of those influences I've accumulated, I am nothing more than a vessel of this world, awakened to the reality of it, reverberation with the energy of it, resonating outward to be an influence to you and to every living and inanimate life living. You feel me, when that sense of some love from nowhere in particular comes to you.. That's me sending love to the global consciousness. Love to all, outward in all directions, through the barriers of our perceived separateness and into your chemical reality.

Mine is to act and enact influence on this world, for this world. I am a Shaman. I am a deriver of natural truths and a seeker of synchronizing. I am an actor in the great play of nature and I've been given the ability to see it and care for it. I've been awakened from an unhappy dream. I've been freed from the bonds of conditioning and systematic linearness through spacial division and time revision. I've been allowed to see that something has got to change, and that's pretty much everything.

We as a species have made huge mistakes in our direction, our determinations and our influences have caused us to go so far astray from our natural path here that we have forgotten what it means to truly be free and to have a natural meaning to our existence. What's our place in the food chain? Why do we think of it in terms of a food chain at all? What's our role as a species in this world? Remove all the external influences, rewind us back to the supposed time of Adam and Eve, the "perfect" us. What have you got?

I'm not going to explain it to you yet, you're too young in your thinking, you cannot hear the sound of harmony, you cannot feel the life we all share, you cannot smell the scent of love on the air, you cannot taste the freedom and thus you will not understand any of this. I'm sorry. It's in me and for me at this time. Just accept at this time that you are filling up with my love. You are growing without your consent, you are a part of me and my growth grows you and everyone else on this world regardless of comprehension from you. There is a step to be taken and soon we as a people will be ready to take it. Prepare yourself for change, prepare yourself for true freedom and happiness and purpose and life. For you are hardly living now, you're stuck and don't know it. I'm workin on your behalf to uncork the bottle we've wrapped around our senses and the misleading languages we've adopted to detach ourselves from understanding..

It's all coming together. I'm moving to a new octave of activity and you will never make "sense" of it, if by making "sense" what you mean is trying to define and determine understanding of it. You have to stop thinking that way. It's not about understanding sense. It's about sensing sense. Open up to reconnection to them and slow down your verbal life, reattach to what you've got, what you are.

Merry Festivities!

2005-12-24T23:59:00.000-05:00

Well it's that time of year again. I've made my phone calls and wished warm wishes on those I hold dear, I only wish my true love could be here. I've got the best christmas present of all this year, and I'm the happiest guy on the planet and getting better and better every day at showing it. I'm freer than I've been in a long long time. It's time to start some serious growth. What day is it? It's 11 Cimi.

Cimi is associated with death and nocturnalism, specifically the owl and other night birds. Death can be applied to life in many ways other than the obvious one. Letting go of old ways, old thinking styles, killing off old habits and destroying self illusions. The nocturnalism aspect of things says to me I should be focusing this death on the things that occur in my moonlight hours. So for a start, I'll be trying to kill some of my lack of attentiveness to my dreams this night by drinking Mugwort Tea and going on a lucid journey. I'll awake with the hopes of retaining as much as possible so I can recount them to this text field and pass them on to you.

I've only got one glyph of Cimi, it's a skeletal face of sorts, anyone have access to original Cimi glyph photos? See the post below! I've got a workin calendar on my desk now and I'll be using it to shape my reality from now on. If you want to join me on my journey, stay tuned. I welcome you! Much love from my direction outward in all directions!

Systems of Time Watching

2005-12-23T16:32:00.000-05:00

How do you watch time go by? Since you're stuck in the mentality that time is divisible and there's a before and after, a "set" that you can place to mark things by in the past and future then the question arises, what system of time watching do you wish to go by? Is it a numerical system? One such as these?

Gregorian: Friday, 23 December 2005
Mayan: Long count = 12.19.12.16.5; tzolkin = 10 Chicchan; haab = 3 Kankin
French: 3 Nivôse an 214 de la Révolution
Islamic: 22 Dhu al-Qada 1426
Hebrew: 22 Kislev 5766
Julian: 10 December 2005
ISO: Day 5 of week 51 of 2005
Persian: 2 Dey 1384
Ethiopic: 14 Takhsas 1998
Coptic: 14 Kiyahk 1722
Chinese: Cycle 78, year 22 (Yi-You), month 11 (Wu-Zi), day 23 (Xin-Si)
Julian day: 2453728
Day of year: Day 357 of 2005; 8 days remaining in the year
Discordian: Boomtime, The Aftermath 65, Year of Our Lady of Discord 3171

We know that the current system of time watching is slightly ajar. It's constantly banging off incorrect minutes and seconds and leaving trailing days on the ends of each month. It's confusing to say the least and it doesen't do anything for us as a species except leave us scrambling after money related issues in our everyday lives, nothing but money, no matter how you toss is. The word Calendar stems directly from the latin word for "account book" so where do you "spend" your time?

I've recently been introduced to the Dreamspell, a derivitive of the Mayan Tzolkin by Jose Arguelles. It's an admittedly incorrect version of the Mayan system, one which changes the start date causing a misalignment of the glyphs between the two. This will cause Dreamspell users to find themselves on a different glyph when they seek out their "true" mayan birthdate glyphs. This is fine really, it's insignifigant in the scheme of things where the planet art network and Arguelles are concerned. It's not about coinciding with Mayan dates, it's about coinciding with natural time, and the system works regardless of the start date.

So why wouldn't I follow the Dreamspell? It's overblown exotic. It's trying to be too much without being basic enough, it's changing things without giving reasons why, it's using made up glyphs and not stating they are non original. They bring chakras into the mix, they place a whole story around the "tones" which appears not to exist anywhere but with them. They are causing a great influence with this highly askew derivitive and I've determined to counter thier influence with a version of the mayan calendar of my own.

This is a call to arms. Help me provide photographs of original tzolkin day and haab month glyphs in the hands of as many different scribes as are known, they will be included in the system I've began work on. I will be only using glyphs that are known to exist and I will provide photographer credits where they are available as the photos will be used to create some of the month art. I want to include every original glyph as they are the most important representation of the mayan system we have.

The reason I'm making this thing is not so I can watch time however. The question I ask myself is not why I want a calendar to watch time, it's why I need a calendar at all? I need a growth tool for my everyday life, something to apply each sunrise until sunset, something to dream about, something to help me persue my dreams, something to give me direction and to influence my determination. Something to make living here worth doing and force me to go about doing the things that need to be done. That's why this thing is going to be done right, it's going to be simple, inspirational and artistic. I need no longer see time as the world does, the global consciousness is aligned with time in it's most natural sense, I'm just pulling my self back into the right levels of sense connectivity so that I can connect with it as I'm supposed to. Sure I need to know where we are in time according to Gregorian/Julian, but that's just so the textbooks don't have to be thrown out and all the "box" recordings don't have to be forgotten, even though they will undoubtably be forgotten by the entire species sometime anyway.. Why mark things as having occurred when "now" is all that's important?

I'm just beginning and it is good. Thank you my Love.

ps- why don't we have a "sense" class in school?

Soulmates Found

2005-12-23T11:14:00.000-05:00

There is absolutely no doubt about it. I have found the love of my life, the most wonderful and magnificently compatible human on the planet for me, someone to share the rest of my travels with, my life, my love, my soul mate. I'm transitioning into a whole new me, someone who you probably won't recognize when you see him, my face is changing, my attitudes are rearranging, my focus and determinations are redirecting and life is more than just good, it's wonderful, it's flowers and butterflies and heart shaped hunab ku's. En La'kesh everyone! I love the world! I love the world inside me! I love the world inside you! I want to run around and tell everyone I know how much I love the mate I've found, we're bonded now, we've recognized each other for who we really are and we've made commitments with our hearts and our paths have been made clear to us. We're going to change this world, we're going to make it clear to all of you what it is you're missing. We're going to open the eyes of all the sleepers and create a world of dreamers again, a place of magic and love where anything is possible and everyone understands that's we've got to slow down and enjoy ourselves.

I want to tell you about the human I've dedicated my life to. She is tall and beautiful as a deer in moonlight, dancing barefoot in the windy summer evening starlight to trance, she moves like no one you know, she is free enough to do so, she's alive and loving living. She's creative and passionate about her art and the sharing of it. She wants nothing more than to live with family and friends creating together and living the company of each other, common purpose, common love and fun. She's amazing and sensational, she's so smart and wise in matters of the heart and soul. She knows what is right and wrong at deeper levels than most of us, she continues to shape my reality into something I can better live with in myself. She's making it more clear to me every day what my role here is and I'm so thankful to the circumstances in reality which brought us together I want to trace back every action to its human precursor and thank them personally for helping us meet! She is prepared for parenthood, she's prepared for motherhood, she's prepared for the role of teacher and mentor and friend. She's got strength that you may never notice until the moment is right and then you'd better watch out, she is fearless and she is tough and she has my back like I have hers.

She listens to me, she is interested in what I say and what I know and how I do. She loves me for me and her love is the strongest I have ever felt from this world. She loves me like the entire world, like I am the entire world. She loves everyone on Gia through me. I see. I must do the same. I shall never lose this love now that I have found it, there can be nothing to me more important than the flower which has grown in our garden. You cannot stand between us, you cannot separate us. We are connected through the universal consciousness and I feel it, I feel her, even with my eyes closed and great distance separating us. I hurt when she is not around, hurt inside, with a great feeling of remorseful joy at the elation of her existence and our tie. It's an odd sensation to feel both happiness and great sadness together, it's the most wonderful way to align emotions I think. I love you Anne.

Takin a breather

2005-12-17T01:44:00.000-05:00

Sorry Che, spent some time on the site today and then realized why I've been so strung tight on the whole thing, I tend to go overboard often thinkin I can get something simple out of something complex and only realize after much effort that the thing I hoped would simplify was really too screwed up and messy to begin with.. Mambo is a mess, it's hardly comprehensible, the code only places 60% of the styling in the css itself and the 60% that it does is so fragmented in that they place some of the styling in the php code too that I'm screwed to try to make this site french english without doing a whole bunch more work than I want to.

Sooo. I return to the photoshop file, complete the art I intended and make myself a nice little template with an iframe like I planned to before getting carried away. This will speed things along immensely and after which I'll seek out a little tool to impliment as the news feed. Breathe Greg. Tomorrow complete template art and template html. Create flash animations contained within template. Get moving bitch!

Early or Late?

2005-12-15T11:51:00.000-05:00

Productive night, dedicating time to type here is limited lately with projects taking much focus. Determined that tasks must be accomplished and stayed up all night doin this and that, damn internet went down for a few hours so I did some modelling for bon-train, wings3d is really quite a flexable little app.

Missing my love, can't wait to see her again.. this weekend I hope. My place is lonely when you're not around my love. Come visit! I miss and love you immensely!

Long day ahead, lots more to do for Bon Train. Feeling a bit stressed there, pain in the ass I got myself into with this CMS and it's inability to keeps it's multilingual files up to speed with its current version.. Well Mambelfish might work.. already seems to have meshed with the admin area.. we'll look furthur into that later.. Soon to stick up a funky little temp image of the 3d kiosk.

How much is enough?

2005-12-14T16:33:00.001-05:00

No time.

How much is enough?

2005-12-14T16:33:00.000-05:00

No time.

Secret Society

2005-12-12T01:57:00.000-05:00

Quite an intense weekend, I stayed up from Friday morning until Sunday afternoon, did two all night parties, undecorated my room, helped deco one of the parties, redeco'd my room and edited a whole stack of photos from the Secret Society Rave. That was fun! Lets do something like it with a few less hours again next week! lol maybe... I need more materials for deco!!

An Evenings Reading..

2005-12-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

Learning Faster Through Time Distortion
On EMpathy
The Facts Of Reality
The Meaning Of Life
Thinking In A Completely Different Way
Who Am I
Why
Be whoever You Need To Be
Divorce Your Ego
Enjoy Life

Numerology?

2005-12-01T18:35:00.000-05:00

Gregory, your Life Path of 6 ...

You have a deep love and concern for your fellow humans and are at your happiest when you feel yourself to be in the service of others. You are a supportive and self-sacrificing and a friend to all. You intuitively know how to cheer or heal others who are in a crisis. You also have a swift, analytical mind, dexterity and a lot more faith and courage than is often demonstrated by the other numbers. For this reason, many of you end up being doctors, nurses, fire-fighters, policeman, politicians, lawyers, crisis line workers, counselors and any occupation that involves empathy, skill or bravery.

Your life path is often filled with responsibility, but the difference between you and other people is that you are happy to take it on. You are a sympathetic and kind person and skilled in the arts of diplomacy and leadership. Many of you are born with an innate wisdom about what others need to survive and thrive. You easily earn the devotion and respect of others and are destined to become a pillar of your community.

Like most sixes, you probably were some kind of child prodigy in one subject area. You probably seemed to be wise beyond your years and may have accelerated grades or entered university early. Furthering your education is likely to be a theme that is important to you your entire life. This is because your brilliant mind is always looking for ways to enhance the quality of your life.

Another mark of the number 6 child is that he or she tends to connect very well with adults and have full, intelligent conversations even at a very young age.

You often marry early and the cornerstones of your life are family, religion, philanthropy and compassion. Your relationship with your partner is often destined to be a permanent loving one that survives all obstacles. You may also have an extraordinary talent for dealing with children, teens and the elderly.

You have very few flaws, but one of them might be a tendency to meddle in or fix other people's lives. Also your willingness to excel to please high-ups may look like brown nosing to others. As you are often very successful compared to others, you might also experience a lot of jealousy and envy from those who just don't see how good-hearted you really are.

As you are so self-sacrificing you are also in danger of working yourself to the point of exhaustion. One of your life path lessons is to remember to care for yourself as much as you care for others.

Another one of your life challenges is to make sure that you don't take on more than you can chew as this might force you to break promises that you would rather keep. You are a soft touch, so you are also at the risk of being taking advantage by individuals who might see your kindness as the mark of a fool. However your traditional approach to life along with it's ethics and moral values usually serves you well.

Being one of the most domestic numbers, your family and extended family is probably the center of your life. You are very realistic in your approach to money and career and often have the intelligence and foresight to build a small fortune. This financial savvy is good because number six's tend to have large broods or spend many years of their life supporting parents or other relatives.

Coffee Anyone?

2005-12-01T17:20:00.000-05:00

Yes, I've been a bit lax on this blog for a few days.. Busy boy me, I'm always coming up with things to write here and then getting distracted by other things.. from guests to 12:60 official business, from family to web work, photography to feeding and walking the animals... well, here we are, time for one more.

What are you up to love? Yes you, and you and you? What up with you all, you come and read but don't write.. comment or two sometimes and rant if you like, I'd rather you rave though. :) Raving is fun. Fun is good, friends are good. Love ya'll!

Ok. nuff of that, been workin most of the day on a website facelift for my half brother Che. The current site is Bon Train. You'll see a whole new look in a few days/weeks.. who knows. It's coming along rather nicely though as Che's watching my progress online and calling me constantly to approve, suggest and rewind me. My favorite type of art is one that's in part directed by someone else, directed by interest. His focus is his business, mine is too, however mine is the artistic end, the image, the visual representation of the company in colors and designs both digital and for print. It's imperative that his focus is in keeping me on track and continually providing more input and content.

I think Che has a good idea and a good start on his hands, he's a business man with lots of savvy, it's a good thing to have the sort of capabilities he has in his jungle, he's aspiring to be a lion, for now he's more a wolf. He's hunting for big game with the pack, selling a great idea but being restricted by the confines of the pack. He's a good wolf, he'll find his game and fill his belly, he's a strong hunter, but along the way he's leaving behind a sort of illusionary path of destruction he does not even fathom or focus on... it's sad really.

Coffee Kiosks, Coffee Shop Franchises in general are bad.. Heres a few links to some things I'm diggin up now toi back myself up: To Foam or not to Foam, Fair Trade Coffee, What's Hiding In Your Coffee, You Can't See The Forest For The Beans, Rainforest Relief Coffee Page(Incomplete), Bird Friendly Coffee, Cote D'Ivoire: IMF, cocoa, coffee, logging and mining, kids talk (search for coffee), Suffolk Bans Plastic Food Containers, hmm I'll get more later.. things to do..

Oh and heres a few things I wanted to share.. Reinventing Money, Social Money, Time Dollar, IRTA, ITEX, IFAT, Appropriate Economics, Barter It Online

Reverse Universe

2005-11-29T14:45:00.000-05:00

A few pics from my evening as a photographer.. I fell I'm getting pretty good.. Still need more practice though. It is difficult to become a great photographer when you don't own a camera. The rest of the pics are on the site these links lead to, my username there is "Hunab Ku". Just follow the My rave.ca link in "what exists".

Closer... Goapele

2005-11-29T14:23:00.000-05:00

This is a beautiful tune.. go seek it out, also look for "First Love" and anything else by this girl.. she sings like Mary J. Blige with less urban influence.

Goapele - Closer
_______________________________________________
Closer to my dreams
Getting over, I’m gettin’ higher
Closer to my dreams
I’m getting higher and higher

Feel it in my sleep
Some times it feels like I’ll never go pass again
Some times it feels like I’m stuck forever and ever
When I’m going higher

Closer to my dreams
I’m goin’ higher and higher I ain’t gonna sleep
Some times you just have to let it go (Let it go, let it go)
Leaving all my fears to burn down
Push them away so I can move on

Closer to my dreams
Feel it all over my being
Close your eyes and see what you believe
I’m happy as long as we’re apart
Then I’m moving on to my dreams
I’ll be moving higher (Moving higher)

Closer to my dreams
And higher and higher, higher
Feel it in my being (I can feel it flow around me)
I know that I could not go alone (No, no)

I’m moving higher (Higher), oh...
I’m going higher and higher and higher (Higher and higher)
Closer to my dreams (Higher and higher, oh...oh...)
I’m moving upward and onward and beyond all I can see
(Stretching out my arms so I can breathe

Feels so close it’s like strange
I can feel my dreams (Closer to my dreams)
I’m moving closer to my dreams
I’m moving (Higher and higher) higher and higher (Higher and higher)
Moving higher, ho...
Some times it feels like you never gon’ change (Never gon’ change)
But you never choose to walk away

How Many Me's?

2005-11-25T00:30:00.000-05:00

Lets see..

There's the me that's here, the self reflective and ultra receptive comfortable me. The me who take the time to think things through and likes to revise and edit my words. The me who you get here most is the me that I am when I'm alone. The closest you can get to really me. Since you have to sense that, not read it on a screen.

There's the me who's 12:60. The succeed or fail, bill paying, government tending, system riding be all who puts his values on hold for whatever the babylonian system requires of him while trying to find weaknesses in it. There's the 13:20 me who understands that time is meaningless if you don't make use of it. The me who knows that everything is art, life and death and we're spending all too much time dealing death. The me who seeks to educate and organize the information in a more relevant and interconnected manner so it's handily useful to us. The me who wants to live in the forest and tend wild animals and live in harmony with the planet. There's the me when I'm with you, depending on my focus I could be student me, teacher me, friend or lover me, contractor me, customer me, partier me, or any number of other me's but the main ones you'll find me in are student and teacher. There's the me when I'm in groups, the old me was overly self conscious and uncertain of himself, the now me is more wise and understands how to handle the chaotic influence spheres of peoples outward sense. There's the Shaman/Musician me, who collects growing things to understand them and dreams of playing a drum but hasn't found it yet. The me who lives for firelight and summer nights, the me who dreams with mugwort or damiana tea..

There are other me's, the 3d animator, web designer, search engine optimizer, drywaller, carpenter, landscaper, painter, tree thinner, telemarketer, high tech account exec, sales manager, fabric wholesaler, cook, carni, ski hill lifty, the list goes on.. So this me that we've got now is something else, it's growing and it's not staying stuck in 12:60 thinking anymore. This me is polyamorous and worships Love. Love is good to give, to recieve and feel. Can you feel my Love? My Love loves you!

New Pics! +

2005-11-25T00:24:00.000-05:00

I just posted a whole slew of new photos on my deviantart gallery and scraps, check em out!

For those of you comin to hang out tomorrow night, in case you're wondering..
call me for my address if you've not got it already.

Replacing God with Love.

2005-11-23T22:16:00.000-05:00

So many things to focus on.. So many directions this blog could goo off on, what's tonights direction? God. Apparently God created us all. Apparently God is something we're supposed to worship, seek and find, talk to, listen to, learn from and all that... God's one thing in one religion and another in the others, God comes by many names, God's good and he's wrathful, God's a creation of man, God's ink on paper, a story, a fairy tale of sorts to explain birth and life and death. God's nothing more than what we make it out to be, God's what we want, God's how we wish we were, God's our aspirations.

Now whatever religion you come from, I'm almost certain you got a bit emotional reading that. Why? Because you're linear minded, you think in terms of how everything fits into your tiny little focus of it, the lens that is the words that guide you. The "word of your God" and anything that's outside it, anything that doesen't come from it, is suspect and a target of not just your God's wrath, but also your own. you're feeling scared, you're feeling angry, you're feeling upset, in discord, it's pushing your insides around in such a way that you choose to verbalize and voice your concerns in a manner which merely disguises or neglects to address the TRUE them. you fight back, you WOULD fight back that is, were I speaking this to you, in your prescence. You'd be aghast at the slandor of it, whatever. I've got my own views, and you do too, feel free to live by yours, and I'll always listen and try to learn but I'll only conform the pieces inside me which I feel need revision and addition, the rest are always open to new inputs, those I choose to accept. I accept you as you, love accept me as me. Besides, that's what your "God" generally requests of you anyways isn't it?

God is what created us.. This hit me hard when I heard it a whole new way this evening on a song from the Rainbow Gathering of Living Light.. They phrased it like this, "Love is the creator.." and this got me to thinking.. "Love" is what created us.. "Love" is the thing my mother and father had in common during the time of my conception. Love brought life to me. Love is the omnipresent force which brought my parents into contact and into each others embrace in order to concieve. Not a procreational force, not a determination to have and create, nothing more than emotional and physical attraction, attachment and loving sensation. Love is my creator, Love forced me to be. Love is my "God"

So now, to phase the word "God" out of my vocabulary I must be determined to help people understand why I make the sort of sense I make when speaking now. Anywhere "God" would ever fit into what I say, I'll now replace it with "Love". This is difficult since the religious aspect of creation is a very restrictive and inclusive thing, it is interpreted so many ways and has so many inferrences. It's a big ditch and I'm just asking for lots of arguements in the future. You narrow minded people back the fuck up! My Love is stronger than your "God". My Love wears bigger combat boots! Oh my Love! That's one Love aweful, Love forsaken, Love ugly thang you got there aint it? I love Love! Love loves me!

Mwaaahahah.... Heh.

The Kiss of Love@Home

2005-11-23T17:05:00.001-05:00

A New Me..

2005-11-22T05:27:00.000-05:00

Just a little something from this evening.. I've got Vula's camera for a few days and Daniel has lent me one of his neat little tripods to use so I'll be taking some nice shots.. Daniel's teaching me more about photography, he's such a smart guy! I'd love to share pics of my little jungle of a romm I've been workin on, but it's still in progress and I promised Anne I wouldn't ruin her suprise for Friday evening.

Earthy Spirits Herbs!

2005-11-21T18:53:00.000-05:00

I've added another blog to my compendum. The reason for this is so that I can gather my herbal information together in a spot dedicated to it. This is just the first addition to my blogring, I may in the near future be creating a Shamanism/Tribal or Rainbow Family blog also, who knows where that may go.. So, for the time being, take a gander at the "What Exists" navigation and click on MY Herbs Blog to view info concerning the herbs I research. If you see any errs/omissions in my research, please help me out by commenting!

Wondering..

2005-11-21T17:15:00.000-05:00

She doesn't talk to me anymore. She ignores my messages, she doesn't call, she doesn't write, I no longer exist to her I think. Am I truly so despicable? Am I nothing more than a fading bad memory to her? Is it so easy to stop loving someone? To drop them from your life and leave everything about being with them that's good behind only to focus on the bad times? The bad times were so few.. so trivial in the grand scheme of things..

She's out there, somewhere.. I can feel her love in the distance, smiling and laughing and singing to herself, crying to herself.. I wonder what she's doing now.. I cry that we appear to have become lost to each other.. No matter the effort I instill into this stalemate. She put me into check, I had to evaluate the position of my pieces, seek a way to balance the power of the board and even the game.. but she flipped the board over in disgust and doesn't want to play anymore..What am I to do? I'm in love!

Her things are here, a few bits of this and that, photos, clothing and stuff.. I've got it in front of me at all times, I smell the unwashed clothes and remember how it feels to have her in my arms. I wear the woven chain around my neck and feel her arms there instead.. I stare at the bristolboard flower and think of the love we had blooming between us..

I've even got gifts for her which I cannot give.. I've had my father create something special.. He's mailing it to me today for her.. I wish she would accept it, accept me, but I can only dream.. only cry, only try. I'm falling together, falling apart, I'm destroying myself, my misconstrued conditioning and my overdeveloped sense of self. It's a good thing.. It's been happening since long before I met her, just much more slowly than since her arrival into my life.. now it's full on. I won't stop thinking about her though, I won't stop trying to pull her back, unless she voices her desire to have me truly gone from her life.. she can never be gone from mine.. she is my life, regardless of her vacancy and no matter my future.. I will always love and be in love with her.

So here I sit, planning a little gathering on Friday, communicating with friends and acquaintances, gathering yesses and nos, trying to show my friends I care enough about them to seek them out and invite them over, even though I am very seldom given the same courtesy.. They are my friends, I care about them and I hope they'll come.

Adwords

2005-11-21T16:48:00.000-05:00

In an attempt to use the system to my benefit I've incorportaed a small google adwords block into the left hand nav of canrant. Theres also a referrers button for those of you wishing to join the program.. Hopefully using the targeted funcrtion of it, the results won't be toounrelated and maybe some of you will click through, thus earning me an insignifigant amount of currency each time.. Feel free to clik away until your hearts content. If many of you feel this shits stupid and I ought to remove it, feel free to voice your opinion, it might just get removed in a month or two anyway if it doesen't pan out.

Coming Friday..

2005-11-21T03:55:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the jungle, take the third path, walk five miles straight up the mountain, take a left at the sleeping elephant and travel down the shambled path by the waterfalls and rapids. On the left you will see golden arches, they are of the evil greasy people who seek to entrap your stomach, on the right you will hear kariokee, try not to laugh, it's someone up there, just like you, who's had just a bit too much to drink maybe... hmm so you're nearing a great empty lot, a place of metal monsters all aligned neatly in their burial positions, not buried yet, awaiting burial. A great barrier lies ahead, an opening in it, a fissure of light creeping into the deathyard. Pass through and feel the tiniest bit of nature given life only by those who live in this place, and find yourself in my domain. Pass though my weather barrier of magic and stone, enter and traverse the lands of the lilwoodenpanda, find yurself on the steps of my jungle abode.. I am alive here, my magic is strong here, I am both artist and creator here, I bring the life to the life here, live with me.

Take water from my cup, eat and nourish yourself on my floor, wrap yourself in the warmth of my welcome and stay a while. It is a special place here, dreams are made and wonders abound, imagination exists and twists light into laughter and love into song. Come along..

This friday night, a feww of you, yes you know who, will be swinging from my vines and tangled in my web as we spin another memory of good times and share time.

Bye, Bye 12:20

2005-11-20T20:53:00.000-05:00

I've removed all gregorian date formatting from the site and added links to two accurate mayan date calculator sites. Hope this will help me to keep more natural time as I've been trying hard to ignore this disjointed system we use now.. Notice the new Ahau 3rd tone graphic, this is to remind me of who I am and what path I tread. I've also added organized randomness to the electric descriptive since I feel it's an apt definitive.

Dear Love,

2005-11-20T03:22:00.000-05:00

I miss you too, and I love you too. I'm sitting here drinking a mugwort tea, sadly alone, wondering of the magical time you must be having without me at the party tonight.. Wishing I was with you, wanting you to be with me. It's so hard without you, harder than it is when we rub the worst on each other. Nothing is worse than alone. Nothing is worse than you not here. Nothing is better than you and I, together, in love and alive. I want you back, I want you here now! I want..

Your kisses are raindrops on my dry face in the desert sun,
Embrace me and hold on tight, I'll be leaving soon..
Your touch is like warm fire on the coldest dark nights,
Caress me and make it last, time is so fleeting..
Your smell is summer forest with a hint of morning dew,
Hold me in your scent, it's fading and I'm alone..

I take you gently in my arms, taste your softness,
We melt together, two in love, love in two.
Nothing can keep us apart, only ourselves,
and we'll fight for what we have,
It's worth fighting for.

We're different you and I, but the same,
both seeking love and learning life,
like the last two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle,
we fit in, it's obvious where we go,
Lets get our love together!

I love you, yes you, you.

LSD on the Senses.

2005-11-19T17:20:00.000-05:00

I'm not one to have wool pulled over my eyes. I see clearly, I understand the sensations normally associated with interpreting my surroundings in an everyday sort of way. I know how the environment looks, I know how it sounds, I know how it smells, I know how it tastes and feels to some degree. I can sense my surroundings relatively well, depending on my focus and determination. I have a good sense of orientation, direction, balance and weight redirection when it comes to motion of this body I inhabit. I know how to tune out the world, I do it all the time, it's almost first, not second nature. By tuning out the world I mean, I can stop inputting the data I receive through my senses. I can focus away from data I don't want to save past swap.

Now raise your hand if you've ever tried LSD. Anyone? Aww come on, no need to be shy, we all know you have done drugs. Not LSD tho? For those of you who don't have any clue what I'm talking about, LSD is the Acronym for D-lysergic acid diethylamide the psychedelic chemical "Acid".

If you've done acid, and you think you've experienced something, how do you see it? What did you feel you experienced? What were the effects? The symptoms of intoxication? What did you feel, sense, iterpret?

The reason I ask this is because I'm about to delve into my experience with the thing. It's a very interesting chemical and it teaches some very useful base level life lessons if you're open and seeking. I've never done the recommended minimum 8 hit "true psychedelic experience dose" so I can only interpret my meager 4 hit maximum dosage and below. I've done lsd in this order and dosage history.. 1,1,2,4,2,2,1,2,3.

This had been over the course of a few months, the first being somewhere back near the beginning of the spring in this year 2k5. There have been multiple sources for the chemical and each dose was from a new location except a few. Fleur Du Lis, Mr. Clean, etc. Montreal Acid.

I tend to use things from nature as my basis for interpretation of effects because they're living but they're not animal. Animals have a different sort of effect on the senses than plantlife does, less consistent. I don't consider anything I've "seen" on LSD thus far to be worthy of the name hallucination. I've seen some very nice things in nature, but none of it would I deem, "not already there", it's all just stuff we ignore.

LSD to me is a newfound connectivity to my senses. It's a barrier falling in my mind that says "ignore this" and, "don't relate those" and, "stop adding this data stream to that data stream". LSD lets you sense the way humans are supposed to sense. At lease that's what I feel. What I sense. LSD is a means to allow yourself to see the matrix for what it really is, so that you can then aspire to thoughts of sensing that way full time and practice towards the doing.

We're bombarded every second with reams and reams of data, most of it's ambient sounds, smells, vibrations, lighting and such, too much data to deal with for any useful reason, no useful focus for impressing it on the mind at all really, except for the wonder of it all. So our minds drop data. They have a sort of side door before the memory buffer, an, "out chute". This is so that the mass amounts of information we input can be discarded in the fly subconsciously right back out. I think, even while this occurs there is a sort of flash memory of the shape of things impressed somewhere else, some ssort of stacked impression file, image on image, written in a manner that allows the subconscious mind to shuffle it in your dreams and decide if anything it at first thought was redundant might become useful in another focus somehow.

So what I "see" on LSD, is a bit of what I'm smelling mixed with a bit of what I'm hearing mixed with a bit of what I'm feeling through my skin inputs.. All rolled up into a neat little visual cortex additive. I'm seeing all my senses rather than dividing them up into separate focuses. I've destroyed the determination to make senses separate. If my nose was the more used sense, I'd likely notice all the lsd effects in it's inputs rather than my visual one. It just so happens we as a race use our eyes more than anything else to determine sense.

So the next time you're on lsd, take a look around you, forget the notion that the chemical is adding to the experience anything that's not already existing there. Think for a moment that what you are seeing, what you are sensing is the actuality of things, the true view of your sense of things, your sensational reality.

This makes me wonder though.. At what level do each of us sense things.. Are some of us already walking around in highly awakened states of sense? Are you "seeing things" differently than me?

^_^

2005-11-19T07:53:00.000-05:00

Smoked.

2005-11-19T06:46:00.000-05:00

I do NOT need a smoke after a fat doob.
  I do NOT need a cigarette with my coffee.
    I do NOT need a puff of tobacco after sex.
      I do NOT need a drag to calm me down or relax me.
        I do NOT need cigarettes to make me happy or satisfied.
          I do NOT need smokes when I want them for whatever reason.
            I do NOT want to smoke the shit thats in cigarettes.
            I do NOT want to die from cancer for not quitting.
           I want to quit, why is it so very difficult?
          I'm always determined to have another.
         I say no more, then I have one.
        It's like a disorder.
       I can stop now.
      I will stop.
     No need.
    None.

Every time I light a cigarette I'm choosing it. Every time I take a haul I'm the one pulling the air in, it's me inhaling and it's me exhaling too. I put the effort into flexing the air and I take the risk and the responsibility for the act of it. I've been stuck in this stupid loop for such a long time it's been hard to get things moving but i'm here now and it's clearer to me. I can't pollute the temple. Stand your ground firm boy. The storm thats coming will try to sweep you back into the currents of smoke, you must be strong, remember that you do not need those nasty death sticks in your mouth, rotting your teeth, your breath, your taste to your lover, and your insides! Get the nasty shit away from your friends airspace, it's not fair to slowly kill your cat and your roomates with you! Deal this death dealer a death blow and start fresh, fresh, fresh! hehe. Lots of breathing ahead.

Heh Knight to Rook

2005-11-19T01:34:00.000-05:00

Nothing is ever lost unless you want to find it, nothing is ever found until you stop looking for it.Nothing is ever finished until you stop doing it, nothing is ever complete until you're done. Nothing is ever wrong until you find something wrong, nothing is ever broken until you see whats broke. Nothing is ever over until you stop trying, nothing ever ends until nothing continues. Where does it all go? Whens it all begin? Why would you want to care about silly things like that? What purpose does "figuring it all out" serve? Get a life, get creating, get happy, lose the huge burning desire to "make sense" of it all and understand. It's all easy and simpler than you could possibly imagine, the system just wants you to forget!

Shake it off! Loosen up, take more time! Time is all you've got to do in and the more of it you take to do, the better off you'll be in the doing! Do for you, do selflessly and do now! You'll fit more in, you'll sense more, you'll be more fulfilled and you'll end up happier than any 12:60 system could help you to become!

Don't push other people around, flex and flow, let them go, everything may seem bleak at fist, but live as if you are in the world you want to be in, step back from the shit that bothers you, leave it alone, deal with day to day artfulness and get yourself together. Push hard for serious progress in all aspect of your life during every moment, dedicate every instant possible to your responsibilities and determine realistic short term goals and be flexable and now oriented enough to take care of all the little things that come up, as-they come up so more gets done in the long run and on the fly. Love doing it all, never reflect the doing of it on others, never criticise the lack of effort from others, just do, do, do!

This is fun.. wait till Daniel starts taking photos of my room. It's beginning to look amazing..

Some Shamanism

2005-11-18T16:12:00.000-05:00

Herbs, Spices, Weeds, local wildflowers and cultivated gardenia. I'm growing to be something of a shaman.. with jars of this and that strewn around my room.. beginning with Mugwort I suppose, moving on to..

Morning Glory (Ipomoea violacea & Turbina - Rivea Corymbosa), Lavendar Leaves & Flowers, Cows Parsnip, Heracleum Maximum), Sage, Thyme, Linaria (Common Toadflax), Curry plant, Parsley, Rosemary, amongst others.. The collection is growing and I'm learning more each day. I'm trying to have a fair sized collection available before going to Mexico. I wan't to have a portable Shaman shop at my disposal at all times. Something for everything, with the ability to recognize them all through exposure. It's hard though, there are so many plants.. and they almost all do something.

Oh I lost my links the other day in a reinstall of the sgi's os, so now I've learned to do some registry revisions so that I could move NT's IE and OE stores to another drive and get them outta the annoying profiles/ folders. No more losing favorites, histories, cookies, temp files and settings and such.. more customizations to come.. Have the OS unfortunately on the smallest of the three drives in this baby.. Soon time to turn this off and put the monitor on the floor so that Vulas C300 can sit here for a day or two and become my new focus. Argh, so many things to do.. Well, best get on with it. Between bookmarking new urls and restructuring my google custom page. :) A million drums.

Dissinfected Honest Unreality

2005-11-18T03:04:00.000-05:00

We meet and relate.
  We become companions, feel great.
    We become lovers and sensate.
      We become friends and don't berate.
        We begin to evaluate, a bit late.
          We're already mates. now roomates.
            We do our best to our alter states.
              We impress, dicourse, debate.
                We take some time to seperate.

Contacts, Resources, Relationships.

2005-11-17T23:00:00.000-05:00

I went out the other day with enough perphed handmade "artist disponible" flyers to stick in almost every available bulletin board on Masson near here. Today I got my first client. It went very well, we worked together on his business card and moved quickly towards something that was agreeable to him. I felt that no matter the outcome of this evenings session together he would have to take a copy away with him and carry it around for at least a day and as long as a week so that he could reevaluate it, show it to clients, and come up with any revisions he might wish he were able to make later had he paid me now and headed straight to the printer with it..

At this point my client made it clear he wished to discuss the value of my work, my art with me. I had placed on my flyer, "a votre budget" which to me means, "within your budget". I have recently decided and only today clarified in words to someone, that I no longer have the ability to place a monetary value on art. I will not be the one who decides its "dollar value", nor will I place a currency relevance on time. Those determinations will be in the hands of those who believe in them. I must stand outside of this in my beliefs. So..

I said to my client, I would deal with this situation as if I were evaluating my finances against the object of my desire. I have a need for a business card, I think how much is the art for such a thing worth to me? That's how much I'll spend. That's how much I'll accept. I'll be happy, you'll be happy. The art will be appreciated by both of us, our relationship will strengthen because we trust each other more and have worked together painlessly. Referrals are the end outcome from this, my art in the hands of others, and a client who feels I'm easy to work with. Contacts, Resources, Relationships.

Moving About Life

2005-11-17T15:10:00.000-05:00

I am. I used to have a friend with the name Iam. Iam Talbot. We met in Alberta in the woods, funny how you can meet people in the strangest places and become friends. He was a really nice guy, really fun to hang out with, really worth trying to find again sometime. Hey Iam! Get in touch you crazy Stihl master! We gotta hang out and go blading in Jasper again sometime! hehe.

So I am... making flyers to hang out in the neighborhood, ones to hopefully bring me work, and guess what, it seems as if my first new freelance client has called already. I'm calling him back later tonight after 6, as per his request. I'm sewing fur onto the cuffs and more of my coat. It's gonna be much more agreeable for the weather once it's completed. It's just a beginning tho, fur overlapping the cuffs on my sleeves to start.

I am decorating my room some more, adding such depth to the place, it begins to resemble the forest Anne so dearly desires from her creations. I wish she was here to enjoy it, try try try. Deviantart and blog revisions, new art, new edits, new posts, I'm not idle, I'm in growth mode. Vula is supposed to swing by today with her notebook again, she needs help getting the stylus working still, damn thing. Never should have broken.. but I'll get it working, yes, precious, yesssss.

Flex, bend, rebound, ground. I'm not through with us yet. We're in love and a little inability to compromise is nothing I can't handle, I'm not ending things, I'm not considering this death, I won't run and hide, I won't dismiss us without effort to salvage things, you're too important to me my love. I'm here and you're with me, regardless of your absence. You can't leave. You can't hide, you are alive in me and my thoughts every second. And here I go again, diverting my path towards yours hehe. Love is in the air.. Swing by my lair..

I hope Vula brings her camera with her, I hope to borrow it a bit so Daniel can help me to become a better master of photography. I want to learn more about the cameras functions and in turn pass the knowledge onto Vula if she's willing. I'm going to be very busy this next few days, I've got so many small projects, I try never to spend too much time on any of them since they all deserve equal attention, I keep forgetting to give time to Chat, she wants to go outside, she's a prisoner here unless I take her out.. I hate being a prison guard, but I love my kitty and she deserves her time outside too! So today, this evening after the people have retired to their filing cabinets for the evening, my cat and I will stroll free through the alleys and streets of this place that's ours and together we'll quietly explore her desire to find whatever she looks for out there.. Go girl!

It's a Thursday, this weekend there's at least two raves I wouldn't mind attending, but I'm broke, so Anne will be going to Quebec without me and Carl and Vince and friends will be attending Hard Drive here sauve moi aussi! Argh, I wanna spend time with my friends! Alas, they have the ability to come visit me, but have never been here! Swing byu guys! Maybe before the party? My doors always open to ya!

The Shape of Flex

2005-11-17T00:55:00.000-05:00

A while back I tried to define a sense of something I've been stuck on my whole life. The purpose of us as a species, our reason for beings, the thing that gives us a "meaning of life" I went through a couple of incarnations of my understanding of what I feel is the LSD's connection to my true reality. It's digging deeper inside life than I can go alone, it has a desire to place me in a student mindset and a determination to develop more from less. So with nothing more than a glimpse of this and that, I stand amidst you all once more with a furthering of things on my mind. Nothing is set in anything concrete, it's all speculation and schematics I'm attempting to apply to MY existence. Take it, Flake it, Slake it, Rake it and Bake it. I'm just down for finessing my conundrum until I die, and you ask why? Come on guy. Stand by..

V-->Y-->--(_)

Read previous posts for an understanding of V and Y. I'm not getting into those now, they're premature, inanimate creative aspects of my growth through interpersonal communication and self determination. The new shape of things doesn't fit a letter, it's something like a wide U with the tips on either side turned inward, a bicep muscle shape flipped upside down. It's unfolding and it's straining inwards at the same time. A Mirror imaged wisp of hair on the wave. It's deep, it's relevant and it's been on my mind for like two weeks. Today.. Or was it last night, a word came into my mind and stuck there, immediately it related to this shape of things. The word was flex. Flex, flexible, flexibility. Further thought into this application of the shape I relate it basely to our muscles. One thing that seems to continue to feel ever more simple to me is that we are nothing but muscles with determination to use ourselves. We're always drawing things towards ourselves and pushing things away from ourselves. This is the simple action of the muscle. IT pulls and it pushes, it flexes. It contracts and it stretches. Now what doi you think this means to us? Why does this have any bearing whatsoever? What the hell could I possibly gain by thinking in this direction? Shouldn't I be living in faith of some immortal and omnipotent "I am"? Shouldn't I be blindly following the system around until I'm nothing more than a slave to the reality of others? Not bloody likely. I've got no faith in faiths, they're nothing more than interpretational misconstrued translations of symbolic glyphs and ancient dust covered and discouraging systems. They're there to distract me from finding things out myself, while giving me a sort of example to be helpful in treading my own path carefully.

I'm no master of life, I've got problems and I do things wrong, I'm a hypocrite of sorts half the time as I try to aspire to accomplish things and often end up distracted by current nows and leaving little things undone or forgotten, that's life, everyone is a hypocrite at some level or another. We can't avoid it, it's part of the system we live in. We begin by teaching our children to be polite, then we untrained them by never being consistently polite ourselves. We're a contradictory species, we aspire to live, all the while destroying ourselves. Where am I in all this? It's a big world, what part do I play, aside from that of my own meager existence in artistic measures and pleasures?

flexibility is important in all things, being able to give and take in equal measure with restraint and respect. Plants flex so they will survive, Animals flex so they can move around, our lungs flex so they can fill and release oxygen, systems flex when pressures are put on them and societies flex when any number of influences affect them. Flex is everywhere, occurring in all of us, all the time, no exceptions. What happens when someone you know, a close friend needs you, in spite of your schedule, you flex and you help the friend right? What happens when your spouse does something that in your view of things causes tension in you, that tension is flex right? Do you push that tension out of you and into your spouse? Do you pull that tension into yourself and release it instead? How do you approach discord?

If the rule holds true that whatever you give comes back to you in some way amplified, then would not the ability to divert the negativity that you feel inside into positivity in order to always get back more positivity.. or in other words, less negativity? Flex! I said it before, I'm nothing of a master of things, I only aspire. I can only do my best every day to place meaning on my existence above and beyond the meager societal reality of it, the reality that has me slaving to merely survive. I'll find my out. I've already begun. A pretty wonderful girl named Anne started me on my true path in things and even though she has left my side, I'll not stop walking now.

Yesterdays Compost

2005-11-16T20:23:00.000-05:00

I typed a lot of this out yesterday in a browser window.. I think I was about two pages worth of text already when something else caused ie to freeze up and even though I had copied into the clipboard the text every paragraph or two, I think I forgot to enable some service related to clipbook or something previously, so I lost my words.. So here we go again.. with a few revisions since my memory of the evening is fading somewhat. ^_^

Mugwort. A very interesting herb. You can find it pretty much everywhere that anything halfway wild grows around Montreal and I'm sure everywhere else. Now that I know how it looks I'll be gathering more together.. Very interesting. They used to call it sailors tobacco amongst other things. "Witches" used it for dreaming and astral travel so they say. It's an amenagogue and can be used to help turn a baby around the proper way in the womb or to induce uterine contractions.. induced miscarriaging. There are other uses for this herb, but the reason it came into my life.. is Anne. She knows about this plant, told me some of it's features and sought it out in the surrounding area and although she was not around to share the experience with me, she was present nonetheless, a major factor her influences recently on my life. Thank you Anne! I love you!

They say for two cups (you should only have one! 1 early morning is ok and one at night, but don't have two together, it's a sort of poison if you have too much, like many things) you should boil in one pint of water, one ounce of the fresh leaves, less if they're dry. The water should be boiling first, throw in the leaves and let boil for ten minutes, take off ther heat and let sit long enough to be drinkably hot. I think I had a mixture of both dry and fresh leaves since I already had some mugwort from a herbing expedition of my own handy.. So my concoction was thicker than it should have been.. and I drank 1.5 cups. Uh oh. hehe.

So I'm drinking the tea, working on this mangy sgi320 of mine, hoping for Anne to come back from her outing so that she can have the rest with me.. So we can share in this.. The first cup is gone and I'm not feeling anything particular that I can remember now.. So I grab the other bit of liquid that remains and sit down to read some more of "The Individual and His Dreams" by Calvin S. Hall & Vernon J. Nordby. I've only just began reading this fascinating exploration of the contents of the mind plus a detailed guide for how to analyze your dreams.. Interesting.. Well documented and well researched. Obvious within a few pages that it's worth the read.

I only get about two pages however before I'm nearing the end of the tea and it starts to hit me like a brick wall, sort of like a cross between GHB and alcohol, an in your face message from the inside that says, "Dude, you're tired now, either do something about it or we're gonna do it for you like within moments!" Heh, so aside from one last wish that Anne would come strolling in late or call to say goodnight from wherever she went.. I tidy up the room a bit and hit the sack. I'm restless, Anne and I had another tense bit of time that day, we left each other on bad terms.. It's a restless bit of time before the tea drags me in, I'm fighting to stay awake I think.. Hoping to hear the door open.

So then I'm in dreamland.. How to recount? I did this before so I'll do it again.. No particular order, some reflective comments, just me trying to sense meaning in it all.

1. I'm in a mass of people, no one I can remember being able to recognize, I feel that a dream forces a random collection of memory induced scenes on you until you grab a hold of one that's interesting and enter it, then once within it it does not take shape or clarity to you until you associate and bring focus to it. You have no idea what the dream is about until you decide to create it. This dream I think was in part my desire to find a common game ground to alleviate an inability Anne has to deal with competitive games..

So this mass of people.. Surrounding me, all huddles and multitiered, sort of Like a football huddle I guess, but with a few more layers.. Then faces start to become real to me and a sort of game is becoming obvious.. I'm in the midst of it, participating without any memory now of those first parts.. It was a non competitive humor game, a laugh at yourself game, where everyone tries to outdo everyone else in making everyone laugh at everyone. WE were doing impressions of each other and of people not present, mass comedy, with a central center stage sort of like those we used to dance in at school dances. I remember that before I recognized this as a game, the mass of people I was centered amongst was moving all together like a swing, back and forth, pulling me, swinging.. It felt strange. None of the faces come to me now, only the two major players, Zeb and Robin Williams. Zeb was the first I recognized, because he was one voice from Police Academy I was a very good at doing impressions of once.. Robin appeared as I was crossing the group, leaving the main area, he appeared out of the people as I turned to my right, seeking..His smile was huge and he headed straight for the spotlight, and I missed the beginning of his entry.. What was said, who he did.. it was only a moment.. somethingoutside was distracting me from focusing I think. Then I see him face Zeb and he asks, demands that someone other than himself do Zeb. I guess I wanted to share center stage with Robin, so I got him to ask the right thing? My impression wasn't overly good, but it didn't matter because I tried and laughed/enjoyed it all just like everyone else. There was a sort of emotion that's hard to place though.. as the dream faded out.. The doing of the impression and only moments more as the crowd faded and drew smaller and harder to hold in my mind.. I think I had impressed all I could there.. who knows..

2. A girl and I, she younger than me, but not obviously Anne or any other girl I know were together throughout many of the dreams I had that night. None sexual though, as far as I can remember hehe. This dream occurs somewhere in the middle of my sleeping period, between fitful awakenings and sad looks at the empty side of the bed next to me.. Were on a journey into a desert place, a relatively small perspective was given on this place, a cactus on the left, a stone on the right and a view of rolling mountains in the bleak distance, sunny day with I think a wisp of a could or more in the sky.. I am uncertain but I think his assistant was there also to help us with translations or something.. We'll leave him out. A shaman stepped out from stage cactus, walking in a funny bow legged manner, my vision of him now is something like an Asterix & Obelix characters face, hehe. He knew without request from us the reason for our presence there and as we stood there I could feel fear in the female with me, a strange sort of trapped cat feeling a caught in the act or some such.. The shaman made questioning words to me with a grin, they were I think, "death? Murder?" and then went about sniffing my mouth or my face I guess... He didn't seem to find the smell he was looking for though, so he passed me and went on to the female with me. Something was there and it made the shaman angry or some other emotion, maybe it was elation or confusion It was odd. He directed her to leave this place and she became very happy to oblige, running away very quickly with a shift from her previous state.... A whew! feeling I think. So I am to remain here with this shaman I think, this is a good thing. The memory fades there..

3. Various men, I think only two, without faces I recognize or can remember now anyways.. Approached me in different parts of my dreams.. They were random inserts, sort of appends to the ends or beginnings of other incomplete or completed scenes. As I was leaving one dream, seeking the next thing to focus on, I focused on these guys. They were obviously gay and they took an interest in me right way. At some point though their approaches towards me became too forthcoming and I had to make clear, I had tried while spending the time with them to imagine a passionate kiss without any emotion or successful feelings and thus felt no desire nor determination to go there with men. Maybe it's my mind trying to expose myself to it over and over to destroy the Babylonian programming of my stereotypes and prejudices, however soft they already are. Maybe some day I'll be in a situation where sharing a female with a male won't seem like such a strange thing to me, but I don't have any current desire for men. Sorry guys.

4. I watched Batman Begins earlier that night so I think it influenced a bit of the creature, monster aspects of things throughout the portions that contained them. It's difficult for me to bring back these ones now.. So they'll all be fragments from here:

Dragons/Bats, intelligent I think.. There were lots of them and they chased me and my companions a few times through difference scenes.. Odd. One scene was a spiral stairwell in a mountain cave with a central shaft I used while the rest of my party took the long way. I seem to be relatively dexterous in my dreams.

A big contraption the size of the side of the mountain, some kind of watefall trough that moves or something.. We had to try to affect it I think.. It needed to be opened or closed in order to be a defense against the creatures..

Me opening the back of a speakers podium and taking four things out.. The last being a sword which I then needed to use in defense against some short guy..

A restaurant with picnic tables? The woman again was there amongst others, it was one scene where leaving an episode of #3 began.

It's funny, no other faces come back to me.. Nothing else seems to be clear anymore, thought I'm certain there were many more dreams, many segments, lot's of scenes, much moving around. I woke probly three or four times during the night, and finally woke in early afternoon with a nasty hangover, pounding headache and groggy mind/body which lasted most of the day. Aside from the hangover though, I consider this one excellent expedition into the realm of Mugwort and dream analyzation. Good start old chap, just drink less tea next time.

Smooth Words..

2005-11-15T22:46:00.000-05:00

Love And Happiness - Al Green

Love and happiness...
something that can make you do wrong, make you do right...
Love...

Love and happiness
Wait a minute...
something's going wrong
someone's on the phone
three o'clock in the morning
talkin' about how she can make it right
well,
happiness is when you really feel good with somebody
nothing wrong with being in one with someone
oh, baby, love and happiness
love and happiness...
love and happiness...

Love and happiness
You be good to me
I'll be good to you
we'll be together
we'll see each other
walk away with victory
oh baby,
love and happiness...
love and happiness...

Make you do right... love'll make you do wrong...
make you come home early...
make you stay out all night long...
the power of love...

wait a minute,
let me tell you...
the power of love...
make you do right... love'll make you do wrong...
make you want to dance...
love and happiness...
love and happiness...

love is... wait a minute... love is...
walkin' together...
talkin' together...
say it again...
say it together...
Mmmm....

Bloodstone - Natural High

Why do I keep my mind on you all the time
And I don't even know you
Why do I feel this way
Thinking about you every day
And I don't even know you
Take me in your arms
Thrill me with all of your charms
And I'll take to the sky on a natural high
(I want to take to the sky)
Loving you more 'till the day I die
(On the natural high)
Take to the sky on a natural high
(I want you to be mine)
Loving you more.
If you have anything to do
Call me and I will do it for you
And I don't even know you
If I only had one wish to give
That wish would be for you to live forever and ever.
When I see you on the street
My heart skips a beat
And I'll take to the sky on a natural high
(I'll just take to the sky)
Loving you more till the day I die
(on a natural high)
Take to the sky on a natural high
(Loving you more and I don't know you)
Loving you more
I'm gonna try to do
All the things you want me to
If you'll just give me a chance
I'm trying to make something out of a nothing romance
And I don't even know you
Take me in your arms
Thrill me with all of your charms
And I'll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more 'till the day I die
(To the sky)
I'll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more
And I'll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more 'till the day I die
I'll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving loving you

La la la la la la ...

Try try try.

2005-11-14T18:07:00.000-05:00

How can you ever be happy if all you do is measure me up to your ideals? How can I exist as myself when I must always exist for you? How must I dedicate 100% of my time to giving/changing myself to/for you when you only give me 1/4 of that?

You cannot be happy if I am me, you can only be happy when I am you. The me that I am is constantly changing, growing, seeking new experiences and maintaining old ones. I strive to be all that you want me to be, but I am not a magician, I cannot wave a wand and speak a few words and make all my responsibilities go away. I'm a child and you're a child, we grow and we do not know what is next, we only dream and plan and act to bring about the things we dream about.

You are too often judging me, comparing me to yourself, becoming upset when I do not do things your way and upset again when I try to show you a new way to do the things you do, or do not know how to. You hold up your hand, place a wall in your mind and heart and halt my efforts with a snarl and a quick dismissal. I cannot exist like this, I cannot allow you to be the one who holds my heart if all you wish to do is tie it to your belt and drag it around behind you. I am a leader. I am also a follower, but these two come in equal parts and without respectful courteousness, I will not follow, my hand will come up.

I try very hard to be what you want me to be, but you can never get enough change from me, you are never satisfied with my actions and you continually utter words that tell me you do not love me, that you do not like me, that you do not wish to spend your time with me. That my actions which necessitate the completion of everyday tasks are a hinderance to our love and that youthfulness and lack of responsibilities is what you desire, since it's where you are.. You want someone who has no money, no home, no job, no debts, no cares, no competition. I can't compete. I'm nothing more than what you make of me, and you continue to make me small, less desireable, less worthy of your love. My concerns are insignifigant to you, my dreams are something only to be requested in times of strife. Consideration of my feelings and my desires are second to yours, always. You force yourself on me, you force me to do things your way and you cry when I do not, like a spoiled child, one who has always had everything done for her and feels that the world and her man OWE her whatever she desires and to hell with what they think. Until a choice must be made, until you must decide between losing me or listening to/considering me.

I am almost done with all this. I have absorbed you words, your hurtful words, I have weathered your fists and your claws, I have listened to your dreams and your hastily made judgements and angry, distraught distastes. I have changed a lot of who I am in order to try my best to fit with you.. but I don't seem to fit, because your pieces are constantly changing shape, one day a piece is square, the next it's round. You are never the same way twice, you speak of the things that you aspire to but then you do not try to reach them, many of the big ones. You have great fantastical ideas and futures in your mind but there is no plan in place to arrive there.. I've tried to help/participate in your aspirations but have met indifference and short lived enthusiasm or exasperation.

How could I have a child with you if you cannot even give consideration and respect to my pet Chat? She is my child, she was here before you and she desrves love as much as you or I and she deserves the same freedoms, even though in order to give her those I would have to set her free, free to take her chances in a big scary and hurtful city. I cannot let her go free alone, I cannot let her outside without me present, but I can walk with her, unleashed and allow her whims to guide my own, the same way I allow yours. It is a wonderful thing to give up control, to allow someone else to lead the way and to follow them wholeheartedly, it is another thing altogether to take control, to become the leader and to never give up the control and allow another to lead. When our walks are over, chat allows me to take her home, she knows that I am only doing what is best for her, trying to protect her from the great unknowns in this scary place, she knows I love her even when I am not petting her, she knows that no matter what, I've got her back, and she is never upset at me for not living 100% of the time we have together absorbed in her or demanding she be absorbed in me.

You have been a tenant here, you have lived without paying your way, you have been incapable of following your own paths while in this relationship since for some strange reason, when we're together you give up all ability to be you, without me. While at the same time, you are incapable of giving up you, so that we can be us. You have been a sort of full time guest here too, giving/taking and demanding just as much as when you were an unpaying tenant.. what's fair?

We are what we make of ourselves, we can be together or we can be apart, and while together we can do both, without internalizing and over analyzing each others actions as self reflective. You must be happy with yourself and the time you have and spend on us, you must be happy with me and the time I spend on us. I am entitled to do me that way I do me and I'm very open to revising how I do me. I will change yes, I will listen, yes, I will try, yes, and I will cry, yes. But I will not change everything all at once, I will not try to force you to do things my way when I can only show you my way and hope you understand it, I will not listen when you demand of me without consideration and I will not cry in order to change you, to aquire sympathy or to force you to do what I want, I will not judge your actions when they are determined to promote love as something unfitting of YOUR moment. I am not all powerful, I do not know everything, I am open minded and thoughtful and I will break if you keep dropping me.

Yawnnn...

2005-11-10T20:05:00.000-05:00

I haven't slept.. I hope you're still coming.. I think I'm going to have to sleep a bit soon so knock hard or just come in. The night and morning was spent accomplishing tasks, rearranging the room and reorganizing and decorating a whole lot of things.. I have dreams too.. They're just a bit vague still.. they're solidifying though, like our relationship. Weathering the fury of my stormy mind they are slowly coming into focus through the fog and mists and rain.. A blue sparkle in the sky, a shaft of sunlight breaking into the darkness, pointing out the reefs lieing ahead, we will steer clear of those reefs now, our rudder is strong and fair winds and bright stars lie on the horizon. A horizon filled with trees and smiling, laughing 13:20 people all working together selflessly.

We're there together now, holding ech other tightly, passionately, breathing deeply to savor one anothers smell and squeezing steadily tighter and never wanting to let go. We have our friends around us, those old and new who have managed to find the same spot of earth to live on or near.. We are the life bringers, we create worlds to become immersed in for evenings of celebration and love! People will come to us from all over in order to enlist our aid in presenting an evening never forgettable easily. I see myself healthier, wiser, more calm and more in control, more aware of things in general...

I quit smoking today. I plan to keep quit this time, no and/if/or/buts about it, the simplest way to quit smoking is just to stop doing it, and then stop doing it, and stop doing it, and stay stopped, and every time you thing you want one or can get away with just one as some sort of "final, last, very very last.." ones.. don't! Stop! Just don't do it. It's over, it's done, finito, humdela, areeba!

Indi Arie.. mm nice.

2005-11-10T14:52:00.000-05:00

mmm I'm taking the liberty here to reverse the gender throughout since this is wonderful sounding when I think about it applying to you my love.

Let me tell you why I love her...

[Chorus:]
Cause she is the truth
Said she is so real
And I love the way that she makes me feel
And if I am a reflection of her then I must be fly cause
her light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie

[Verse 1:]
I remember the very first day that I saw her
I found myself immediately intrigued by her
Its almost like I knew this woman from another life
Like back then maybe I was her husband and maybe she was my wife
And even, the things I don't like about her are fine with me
Because its not hard for me to understand her because she's so much like me
And its truly my pleasure to share her company
And I know that it's God's gift to breathe the air she breathes

[Repeat Chorus]

[Verse 2:]
How can the same man that makes me so mad
-do you know what he did-[spoken]
Turn right around and kiss me so soft
-guy do you know what she did-[spoken]
If she ever left me, I wouldn't even be sad, no
Cause there's a blessing in every lesson
And I'm glad that I knew her at all

[Repeat Chorus]

I love the way she speaks
I love the way she thinks
I love the way she treats her mama
I love that gap in between her teeth
I love her in every way that a man can love a woman from personal to universal but most of all its unconditional

-you know what I'm talking about-[spoken]
Thats the way I feel
-and I always will-[spoken]

There ain't no substitute for the truth
either it is or isnt
cause she is the truth
you see the truth it, needs no proof
either it is or it isnt
Cause she is the truth
Now you know the truth by the way it feels
and if I am a reflection of her then I must be fly
cause she is yes she is
I wonder does she know [echoes]

Tasks...

2005-11-10T03:00:00.000-05:00

Tonight I accomplished quite a lot around here.. turns out my love is not pregnant, that's a relief to both of us, but also a sort of dissapointment, we were preparing ourselves for the possibility.. So, what else could cause a woman to miss her period for such a long time? I changed the room around again, it's much ncier now, I think I'll take some photos of it soon, maybe you could bring your camera by on friday when you come to get me Vula? ^_^

Thursday is a day for completing tasks.. things to do..

a. meditate for 20 mins or so, first thing in the morning.
b. apply for employment somewhere, tim hortons?.. get a note from manager.
c. visit a client for a bit of cash, rollerblade for excercise!
d. make a transaction and get a bank statement.
e. visit the babylonian government with my papers.
f. locate a couple more glyphs for the calendar.
g. finish the first of many fur bags.. possibly each a bit different.
h. hmm i know theres more.. but it's late.. yawn.

Well.. I've got some more installations to do here.. l8r

Pack my Bags

2005-11-08T20:21:00.000-05:00

Ten sobeys bags later, a large portion of my block, alley etc. all packed up and distributed in your garbage pile and yours too, yep. Feels good to look around my neighborhood and see nothing but nature undisturbed by waste and pollutive disrespectful disgrace. You two who walked down the alley last night destroying a whole stack of cd cases you found somewhere.. bet you thought you'd be able to walk the alley again sometime soon and muse over the remains of your disrespect.. guess what.. you won't find a scrap of clear hard plastic anywhere unless you really search for it hard. MwaHa, ha! That felt good, wish you were here to share, but then you're everywhere and always sharing all of it with me and everyone else.

Vula dropped by, it's her birthday, she was warm and concerned and sad for herself too, I cooked her supper and tried to help once again with another laptop issue, hopefully it'll resolve itself tomorrow when she returns with her install cds. She's a great woman really and I love her very much, I sometimes wish things between us had gone differently, and then those thoughts pass.

I'm wondering at the emptiness here, this place is so filled with things but when you are no longer here.. it's so empty, I'm so empty. :( I want you to come back! Please come back! Call me.. Arrive at the door.. You got two phone calls, ones a message from an older guy, c'est possible que c'est votre job, mais je ne suis pas sure. L'autre c'est par une ami d'une ami a tio, qui veut demandez votre assistance dans une film.. Je t'aime mon amour, si tu plait, donnons nous anautre chance!

Our Block

2005-11-08T14:05:00.000-05:00

So I have no front yard to keep in order myself, I have a sort of side yard but it's not mine and it hardly needs any sort of upkeep. So, in sticking with Prinicipal #7 I am off to grab a garbage bag or three for a walk around the neighborhood. The garbage exists and if noone else is willing to take responsibility for it on a grand scale.. if it is the responsibility of each to do their part than I am going to take a small piece of this day and give what I can to cleaning up the environment I am surrounded by. Take note people, I'm not looking for anything other than to do my part and help keep this earth green.

More words..

2005-11-08T13:26:00.000-05:00

Paragon, Ideal, Ideology, Apotheosis, Value, Nonsuch, Meliorist, Paladin, Vituous, Te, Tao, adherent, unctousness, unction

So.. here we go..

2005-11-08T07:24:00.000-05:00

I'm hoping it's not over, dreaming of us together and going to bed soon alone wishing you were here with me.. I can do it alone, I can go on.. I need you though like I need myself, I don't know why I turned away from you, I am sad and angry at myself and alone.

So I build as if you were here.. As you are always with me now, like breathing, there you are.. I love you and through you I am love.

Principal #1
Art is sacred. It must be supported and regarded with the utmost repect. It must never be insulted or devalued or critisized in a demeaning manner. It must be nurtured through suggestion and redirected upon the creators determination. It is an extension of ourselves and thus any attack on it is an attack on ourself. We must never attack each other!

Principal #2
Our bodies are sacred. We must not put poisons into/onto them. Automatic habits, patterns and destructive addictions are to be avoided and removed from routine, they substantiate a lack of true, free consciousness in action.

(I removed the rest since you're not interested...)

Sing it Alanis!

"I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn"

Wishes..

2005-11-08T03:58:00.000-05:00

I wish for someone to listen openly without hasty judgements
I wish for consideration of my emotions and concern for my desires
I wish for equality in all things
I wish for self growth without determination by another
I wish for another to grow next to and to help and be helped by
I wish for my love to return.

And thus we need principals..

2005-11-08T03:49:00.000-05:00

Where are we to go from here? To come back together we must work together on a set of principals to live by and we must stand strong holding hands and live for our ideals by remain within our principals. Not just our singular self principals, but our two-become-one set of principals in how we do and deal with each other.. We've gotta have a system to coincide by, a set of do's and dont's to apply to our melding, some way to always stay aligned with each other rather than facing off against one another and baring teeth. We love each other and there's no mistaking that, and we live for each other and would die rather than see each other hurt. I won't lie and say I'm not hurting inside and crying inside and dieing inside now that you're gone! I miss you so much! I just associate you now with pain AND love. I want to remove the pain associations, I want to go back to the love and loving us! Please come back!

Love, Devotion, Romance, Relationship, Respect

2005-11-08T03:25:00.000-05:00

A few things I wanted to re-iterate into my mind's paradigms..

Love: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. An intense emotional attachment. An expression of one's affection. A strong predilection or enthusiasm.

Devotion: Ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle. An act of religious observance or prayer, especially when private.

Romance: Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful.

Relationship: The condition or fact of being related; connection or association. Connection by blood or marriage; kinship. A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: A romantic or sexual involution.

Respect: To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem. To avoid violation of or interference with. To relate or refer to; concern. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

Forces Fighting

2005-11-08T03:00:00.000-05:00

So here we are again, at wits end with hearts broken & scars both within and without, weakened and missing each other and hating each other and loving each other. We each fear what the other one has, and we both love and cherish it while running from it. We're never quite looking at each other until we're on drugs, and that's because that's when we let our guards down, when we open up and become truly free with ourselves and our senses and see each other and everything for the simple fact that it is wonderful.

Whats the force that keeps a dog running to the edge of its restraints only to be jerked to a stop time and time again by the constraints of its leash? Determination? The dog has made it's decision and the paradigm that the leash exists flew from conscious thought and thus "yelp!"

A decision in any one direction when existing in a dual-singularity affect both sides, and every step, misstep and everything that is undertaken by one affects directly the other. We are one together and as one we must always be open and sensitive to the others outward sense...

When you stick two people together in a small space, a couple, a two-become-one situation.. they lose themselves. They either try very hard to maintain themselves to the detriment of the relationship or they allow for a sort of full-time soft influence that must, yes must, commence a continuing set of serious changes to the two in order to allow for a better function of the union. When one does not listen to the other or determines that some action or other is distasteful to thier ideal, this has a negative and positive effect, most often though, through the form of delivery from the one, the negative is felt most intensely from the other..

How does one put into place a sort of skeleton key that unlocks all the wonderful feelings of love one has when they're truly open? How can one achieve and maintain this sense all the time? How can one insert it into the heat of an arguement and change from hating to loving and be alive with it? Why do we want to keep ourselves? Why is it so important that we be unflexable and put up the "air" of detachment from things when we really have no idea how interesting they may be or how useful until we experience them?

So I'm alone and scared and I may have a child out there...

Magnetics..

2005-11-06T00:30:00.000-05:00

These "tones" relate to the Thirteen Moons. The dictionary defines tones as "A sound of distinct pitch, quality, and duration; a note. - The interval of a major second in the diatonic scale; a whole step. - The characteristic quality or timbre of a particular instrument or voice. - A general quality, effect, or atmosphere. - A color or shade of color. The normal state of elastic tension or partial contraction in resting muscles. - To make firmer or stronger. - To assume a particular color quality."

13Moon.com describes the 13 Tones, "The 13 Tones portray the movement of creation, showing the progression of life in interconnected stages. These universal energies govern the unfolding sequence of the 13 moons of the year, and are also found reflected in the 13 major articulations (joints) which allow our body movement (2 ankles, 2 knees, 2 hips, 2 wrists, 2 elbows, 2 shoulders and 1 neck/spine."

Tone 1: Magnetic: (Magnetic Poles, Forces, and Fields)

The Columbia Encyclopedia has, "magnetism" info and lots of it.. a few interesting tidbits only here..

"The like poles of different magnets repel each other, and the unlike poles attract each other. - The "law/calculation" states that the force of attraction or repulsion between two magnetic poles is directly proportional to the product of the strengths of the poles and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them."

The word "attract" is defined, "To cause to draw near or adhere by physical force." "attraction" is defined, "The act or capability of attracting. - The electric or magnetic force exerted by oppositely charged particles, tending to draw or hold the particles together. - The gravitational force exerted by one body on another."

And thus for every side of the force rests the dark side young padewan..

The word "repel" is defined, "To offer resistance to; fight against. - To refuse to accept; reject. - To be resistant to; be incapable of absorbing or mixing with." "repulsion" is defined, "The tendency of particles or bodies of the same electric charge or magnetic polarity to separate. - Extreme aversion."

Extra Magnetism Links:
Wikipedia Magnitism
Nasa Magnetism Stuff
The Exploratorium Magnetism Snacks

Tone 2: Lunar
Tone 3 - Electric
Tone 4 - Self-Existing
Tone 5 - Overtone
Tone 6 - Rhythmic
Tone 7 - Resonant
Tone 8 - Galactic
Tone 9 - Solar
Tone 10 - Planetary
Tone 11 - Spectral
Tone 12 - Crystal
Tone 13 - Cosmic

Make a Difference

2005-11-02T15:58:00.000-05:00

Bit of lyrics from a Roni Size tune..

"It's a vicious cycle, too many wanna claim the title,
they wanna be the 'bad man thug' cuz that's their idol,
don't live by the life you're not supposed to be living,
don't try take,take,take 'n hate just try givin'
cuz one can make a difference,
Ten can make the same,
One Hundred can make things get better round your lane,
One Thousand a new start,
Ten thousand a revolution
One million we're finally close to this solution,
no more"

Staff of Gravity - Mafia? Thieves!!

2005-10-30T15:17:00.000-05:00

Theres a couple prespectives to take this from, none of them are from that of the staff and owners of the afterhours downtown named Gravity After Hours since they are the cause of the writing of this article and they don't really deserve any amount of "put yourself in my shoes" respect since they don't have the ability nor the compassion to do it for us... so we start with that of the bottom rung on the ladder, the raver, the patron, the power behind the party, the real reason for the space itself, the event and the passion, effort and time each promoter, artist, dj, vj and volunteer puts into the creation and inception of any event.. It's all for us.. us partiers right?

So you're a partier, you see an event being planned by a promoter you like, you enjoy events by this promoter and you know that things will be chill, fun and you'll have a fabulous time right from the moment you decide it's time to get yourself ready and begin preparing for the outing to wherever it'll be held.. You don't have any thoughts that there will be disrespectful or greedy people to encounter, you are free and freedom is fun so nothing could go wrong, and anyone who might have thoughts to the contrary is easily ignorable and your night will be right..

So you spend a large chunk of your grocery money on tickets and perhaps pot, lsd or mdma or speed, whatever, it's your trip and theres nothing wrong with reponsible tripping. There's also the possibility that you have no money at all and that you're going to give your time instead so that you can attend, you're going to show up hours early, do half the carrying, half the hanging of things, and have your empty hands available to help in any way you can in order to pay your way.. In this case you have no money for chemicals either, you look about for your friends and you see about paying ahead, about borrowing something on future credit, perhaps you have a check coming on friday and from that check you've got a very small amount of money which will be left over after everything of necessity is paid for, just enough of a tiny amount left over that you can take your roomates 1.5 hits of lsd from him and pay him later when the money is available to you.. Great huh? Not only can you attend an event based on volunteering, but you've also found some way to get your preferred chemical for the night, not just for yourself, but to share with someone close to you. You have taken care of two for the night, all on your dime, on your promise, on your effort and willingnes to do whatever it takes to treat yourself and your friends to an evening of it, whatever it is.

So you arrive hours early, you lend a hand and you even do more than expected by volunteering to extend your generosity into the cold streets with flyers and a fantastic attitude, come on, come in, come all! There is a good time to be had here!

Your posessions though are inside, spread around the place, because arrangement is occurring, decorations and equipment is being setup, distributed and created.. Your things are safe, you've already gained entrance, your items are yours and noone will go through them or take from you, they are surrounded by people with respect, people who have no desire to take more from you than you are already willing to give..

So you finish handing out flyers, spreading smiles around and giving of yourself, you head back into the venue to see what more you can do, what else you can give of yourself to the promoter and the artists, and you see the owners of the venue sitting glaring angrily around at everyone in thier space, with hate and disgust in thier eyes, like rabid wolves waiting for a moment to pounce.. and oh here it comes!!

They stand up and order everyone who is involved in the event to stand away from thier belongings, to move out into the corridor near the coat check.. And when we attempt to collect OUR posessions to take with us, we are stopped by large bouncer-type individuals who tell us that our things are no longer ours to collect, and that we must leave them behind now. So what can we do. We obey, and we do it calmly, with respect. The doors are then shut behind us so that there will be no witnisses to this heinous crime, and our belongings are moved about, sorted through, ransacked and stolen from, and even divided up, split up into new areas, new piles, random messes. No witnesses. None!

So we're let back in, allowed to learn of the theft once we relocate our belongings and find our money or chemicals missing and then we're told we can NOW collect them because they must NOW be taken out to where we were waiting, because what they have already taken from us is not enough for them, we must now pay them to store our ransacked items in their coat check.... We have no money for this, we were invited to this place by people involved in the vjing and we were certain that we would be allowed to place our jackets behind the VJ's computer, where noone goes and where they will be safe.. NO, you must pay us now! OR leave! and NO you may not have back what we have stolen from you, even if you wish to leave, and if you think that you are entitled to this in some way.. let me grab you forcefully now and haul your ass to the street like some drunken miscreant! Get out of our place, "MY CLUB" and take your inability to take theft sitting down with you.

We I'm taking it with me. took it right out to the lineup and yelled the facts out to everyone because I'm sure I'm not the only one Oz stole from.. if "Oz" is really the name of the bastard who claimed to run the place.. The frat boy, mafioso bitch in his 250 dollar touque and his thousand dollar tank top and his tiny penis. Standing there all pretty faced with a scowl and preppy clothes all too aware that his Hells Angel Biker daddy and the police he bribes will protect him, and that his bouncer boyfriend and his Shrieky bitch door girl will back him up. If his clientelle, the promoter and the djs and vjs and deco artist have a problem with his disrespect for the thousands of dollars he already earned by renting out the space in the first place.. No thats not enough, lets dig through everyones belongings and ensure that noone has any drugs to sell or any drugs of their own to take, because we need more money, more money! We seel drugs here, and now if you want some you have to but them back from us!

Fuck I wanna keep typing on this subject but I still so pissed off, I think I'll make some phone calls to the authorities and ask if the chemicals that were confiscated last night were in any way turned over to them for safe keeping or disposal, since I'm 100% certain they were not. Hopefully I'll get an officer who isn't on the payroll of the Hells Angels and the people surrounding Oz.

Whoever got to take my hit of lsd last night, I'm happy for you, so happy I'm still going to pay for it on Tuesday when I get the money to do so. Since it hasn't been paid for yet.

I'm never going to gravity again, no matter who throws the event. I will attempt to sway as many people as I know to do that same as possible. DO NOT ATTEND GRAVITY AFTER HOURS FOR ANY REASON!! Tell your friends, tell your favorite promoters, tell people who don't party at all, tell the police these people are obviously criminals, tell the media who they are and what they do, and lets see what we can do to put them away, or at least put them out of business.

These people are not ravers, they have no respect for ravers and they do not deserve to have us in their scene, they deserve nothing but an empty venue weekend after weekend and they deserve to reflect upon themselves with disgust, instead of us.

I think the next thing I will put the most effort into regarding this will be.. to create a sense of interest in reporters from the local newspapers and tv channels, give them a reason to start investigating and reporting to the mass public on the illegal affairs surrounding these Gravity After Hours pubic hairs.

"Gravity" - The force that pull you down.

Don't let gravity pull us down.. BOYCOTT GRAVITY AFTER HOURS!!

Doom Doom Doooooom!

2005-10-30T13:57:00.000-05:00

We're coming for you, and you'd better not forget that when you enter our territory, our land, our laws, our dominance, you'd best be ready to lose your freedoms and conform to our will, our way and our desires. We don't care who you are, what you want or how you do things, our way is omnipitent and it is all.

Shut your mouth, keep calm, respond to us with an air of sumbission because anything else will only lead you deeper into our traps, the traps we set to ensnare your soul, the bait we leave to lead you astray from your pleasures.. Our land and our laws are everything and you are nothing more than a trespasser on our floor, so move over there, don't take your belongings with you, leave them for us to sort through so that we can take what we want and do whatever we desire with them... They're here, so they're ours. You're here, so you're ours too, we can grab you forcefully and move you about, we can scowl at you with hatred and disgust, we can treat you like the bug you are to us, because we don't like anyone but ourselves and we don't want to change, we don't care that you pull your weight, that you pay your way, we only demand that you give everything of yourself that we can possibly get from you, and after we get that, we demand more!!

The people of Gravity After Hours are thieves, they're drug dealers, they're inhuman and inconsiderate of their clients and the clientelle of their clients, they seperated all of us who had been setting up the event last night from our belongings, made it clear we were not to collect our things before being escorted out to wait for some unknown reason.. They then shut the door on us and went about scrounging through our posessions, taking anything they wanted and doing it all with no witnesses present. They broke the law, they lost our respect and they will not get a chance to regain it because this is not the first time this has happened. They sell drugs to the poeple who come to thier venue, and they do NOT appreciate you bringing your own when you have no money to buy theirs. So they take your drugs, they take them and then they try to sell them back to you, but not before telling you that what they have taken is not going to be enough, that you must also pay them for the privelidge of their courtesy and take your jacket to their coat check so that they can steal yet more money from you, more freedom, more! more! more!!!

They will not win this war, they have begun a fight which has in a mere moment become very important to me, I want to hurt them without violence, I want to take from them without force, I want to cause them difficulty like they caused me and I want them to regret their lack of respect for those who bring them business by taking their business away. I will fight them in the forums, I will persue them through the legal means, I will circumvent them by making others aware of their callousness and they will feel the effects of their actions and it will not be fun for them, since it was not fun for us.

Make waves, make noise, make change, make it clear to everyone that you will NOT attend an event at Gravity, no matter who throws it there. Make it clear that those people are NOT welcome in a rented space, that once an agreement and a price has been settled upon, that all aspects of the event will be clearly covered by the organizers of the event and that none of those people who run Gravity will be welcome in any way, shape or form at the event. They got paid, they made the money that they were entitled to earn through the agreement with the promoter, and yet they were not satisfied, they went not just one step furthur but ten. More!!!

Here it comes.. are you ready Oz?

Old Hallows Eve

2005-10-29T17:20:00.000-04:00

Hate it or love it, the underdog is on top. I'm the underdog and I can fly and be free, more free than you can even imagine free as ever being. Do you think you're free? Do you want to be? It's as simple as they say in the movie the Matrix.. "Free your mind!"

It's a winderful Indian Summer Saturday.. the suns shining bright, the trees are changing colors, life is twittering about in costumes, with tricks & treats on the mind.. We're all looking for a handout these days, something for nothing more than the effort of asking for it. Theres nothing wrong with that, we all need a little free provision sometimes, we need to feel like all the rest of the year where we pay and scrape and scramble to make ends meet, once a year its time for everyone to give back a bit of everynothing to everynobody. So we dress up and stand out and scare the pants off each other with our prerecorded laughter and maniacle miscreance. It's Halloween, Ole Hallows Eve, it's not quite here yet, but the two or three days surrounding it are just as special to eveyone in the spirit as the day itself so.. here we go! Are ya ready?

It's a night for gathering, a night for smiles and shared loving amongst kindrid souls and simple mindful meaningful merciful individuals, it's a night for dancing wildly to rythmic madness and freeing ourselves of the weights that bring us down day to day. Remove the shackles on your wallet and heart, stip off the cynicism for sillyness and stand up and march out into the cool crisp Autumn evening with a mad smile on your face! Say hello with true feeling to everyone you meet, hug all your friends like they may not be alive tomorrow, give of yourself as you've never given before and try hard to create trueness and enjoyment in all aspects of your reality. Don't worry what time it is, or what you must accomplish in the next bits of moments, just enjoy being here and now! Whoever you're in front of, whatever takes up your attention in this now, is the most important thing in the world and it deserves every bit of you, you can give to it, so don't be shy, don't cry, don't lie and don't be nie. Be here, live here, love here and here will love you too.

Where are what are you up to this eve? We're probly off to Gravity Afterhours for Yzabella, a rave of sorts, a gathering of music and people lovers and in this we plan to have the most joyous of times! Will you join us?

There it is..

2005-10-28T14:24:00.000-04:00

Age DOES matter, when you let it. Everything matters when you put importance on whatever everything is...

"Gimme reason to keep believin' that everything ain't misleadin, I kiss the clouds on the rainy days, And smile for you when the skies are gray, Baby cuz I'm a teardrop away from cryin', And a few shots away from dyin'" "Know in your heart that we are free, Free to believe whatever we feel"

Funny how long it's been since I've sat and really listened to Mary J. Blige.. The woman's been through so much in her life. So many hardships, trials, negative influences and things that have helped to shape her into such an amazing individual.. I can't help but admire her persistence to take every thing in stride and push through the hurt and help to shape the rest of us with her words. Her voice is one thing, a wonder of happiness even while singing about things that have hurt her so much.. Real Love! All night long she going down.. Reminiscing on all the lovehe and we had. Is it easier to reminisce than to live in the clouds hiding the sun? It's so dark in here.. So constricting to my hearts desire to flower..

Are we all living fantasies? Everything we sense is our interpretation of it only. So we're walking around accepting our fantasy as reality.. We're not happy with it, we don't like fantasies, we don't want someone to be in control of our sensations, to direct and dictate our paths.. We want to write our own little fictional novels of life every step we take, and only allow other people to read pages, the revisable ones, the glimpses of our story that help to impress upon others our little fantastical self-impressions we think we really are, when we're really nothing more than dragons, fairies, elves, ogres and other unbelievable things.. We're unreal, all of us, right down to the most conscious of us.. We all sit and lie to ourselves and believe what we will when there's nothing to believe, nothing to evaluate, nothing to take as a lie or a truth, there is only acceptance of what is and enjoyment of that acceptance.

Why am I not happy? What are my dreams? Why do I want from people I meet? Why do I want to meet people? Why am I not simply happy like a tree, to be and to exist wherever I am without the necessity for external influence. I bet if you could converse with a tree it wouldn't want to talk to you. You're boring, too busy trying to figure, devise, divide and determine to just accept and sense. Sensing is everything there is, and interpretation devalues it. We have such a negative thing available to us trough words. We have the avenue to create disorder and disharmony, we have the ability to continue along misleading and difficult paths and the means to continue to contribute to the confusion we all have within our separateness.

WE all feel the same, trapped, frightened of the unknown and the known.. Distraught that we alone cannot make the differences we perceive as necessary and to disheartened to join together to work together to reach those changes.. But coming together to enact action is only the second step... We don't think that it'll make any difference.. We've given up before even trying.. One alone! All Alone!

People like 2Pac, Mary J. Blige and others, some really influential people started with themselves, started all alone, with nothing more than a pen, a paper and a dream to make change, to influence the world through art and they've done great things, made huge changes, influenced the future of this planet through nothing more than dreaming and taking/making step to achieve. They are role models, people to look up to and to aspire to make differences as equivalent to. They've moved pebbles in their desire to move boulders, and in turn those pebbles have rolled with force downstream, impacted other pebbles of varying sizes and together they've avalanched as truly positive and powerful forces, all through the creation of step one.. They've pursued and achieved their dreams, and even through it all.. Through the dream of life, they've lived the dream and are still, whether dead or alive are living in their dreams. Influential, influencable, inflatable and stretching and stripping our preconceptions, all we do is listen and love.. but they are deeper than we are, they're the effectors, the causality, the creative and determinative impressiveness.

My love is that creative force, she is a creative and crazy energy that can't help but rub off on the world, a force to be appreciated and to be drawn towards and to react to.. She's full of dreamy butterflies, but she's sand, easily moved about by external forces, and I do not build on sand. I build on stone. I can use sand to create stone and through the creation of it, the stone becomes even stronger than it would be had it been made from stone alone. The ability to be moved about by influence is good, we need to be flexible like trees, bent to the forces of wind and the weight of rain and snow, we need to retract our openness when external forces are difficult to endure, we need to open ourselves up and outward when everything is promotive to growth.. We need not however be emotive one way or the other when one or the other comes.. We are happy to hibernate, we are happy to bloom, we are NOT happy when fire comes, because it burns us and does not allow for either the sleep or the awakeness of living..

Placing all the flammable materials at our feet is nothing we can agree with either, so we're not yet aflame, we're not burning yet, but we sense the construction of the firepit, we see we're soon going to be aflame and we know that fire hurts, we know it is coming and so we cry out and we fear the pile of growing kindling at our feet as it reminds us a match is coming and soon everything in our realm of creation will be destroyed.. So we can grow again, we've spread seeds, we've branched out and pieces of us may fall to the ground to take up root anew and become another us.. But we've already created such a base for ourselves, We've rooted deep and we've branched so we're gathering so much light.. We don't want to lose this.. We're not trees though.. This is all silly to compare ourselves to unconscious entities as they do not share our problems.. They don't contemplate, derive satisfaction or distaste.. They just are, and simply put, they are happy just being.. We should all aspire to that.. But thinking keeps us from being.

Focus on Fulfillment!!

2005-10-24T10:30:00.000-04:00

Simple things are always the best, we focus on the complex things in life, or we tend to over complicate things, cut each other off, interject with interruptions and interceptions. Sleep slides by without even taking note of the time and we pass each other on the street trying to ignore each others sad faces and lack of spice. Everyone seems less and less happy every day and why? Is it our inability to enact change in the world around us? Is it our desire for a world without the restrictions we're forced into conforming to?

What is all that we need? What's the base list of necessary intangible ideals, goals, morals, values, needs, wants, whatever.. What's driving us as a people?? Are we driving ourselves? Are we driven by our environments? Are we pushed forward like a speed trip from some unknown inaudible force of frustration or anticipation of a better future, not some time far ahead, something very close to where we are already, something that's just around the corner, something that's already in our faces but we ignore it, thinking it's not real, not tangible, not now. Something is missing, something is always missing, we can't be happy in the here and now, we can't be satisfied, satiated, filled with joy for the moment and the object of our current focus....

Focus is feeling for and concentrating all your immediate attention on the current inconsequential details of living in the intensity of this moment, now, never next. It's everywhere that "next" thing, everyone always trying to figure out what might satisfy them more than what they're doing now, what can bring them more happiness, more joy, more pleasure than the current moment.. It's sad really since every moment and every focus deserves the same joy and attention as every other. Place your feet firmly whoever they are now, look straight ahead, look left, look right, swing your head around and try to look backward.. It's beautiful ant it? I don't know what your looking at, but that doesn't matter, it IS wonderful and it IS a great place to be in time, not paying attention to time at all, since nothing matters but the current moment, the current view, the current activity and focus. FOCUS!! Be there, live it, love it, and it'll last so much longer, have so many more interesting aspect and you'll feel so much more joy in the attentiveness to it all. A day will pass, another and you will feel all of the sudden that they have passed more slowly than they ever have. They'll be the most activity filled days of your life, not delegated to the conquest of money gathering, money delegation and time division!

You can't divide time, you can divide yourself within time though, and that's a big bad wolf trying to eat little red riding hood. Granny knew the wolf was coming, so she baked cookies and made them with pure love for the wolf, but she did not pay any attention to the wolves presence since her focus was in the baking, the making, the loving of her craft, her art, her heart.

It's been an interesting weekend, I found out I may become a father/or not.. We'll see.. I spent an unimaginable amount of my focus spread out across people, places, animals, arguments, dancing, discovery, determination and self destruction/re-creation... What did I accomplish? What did I gain from all this? Who can fully describe the sensational sense of appreciation for time..

Fit it in. Fit into it. Drive forward and let it pull you through the loop and into the cycle of life... What's life? Living with love for yourself and for the world around you? Experimenting with focus, focusing on experimental time delegation, paying less attention to the existence of it all.. the necessity to force things into the "daily schedule" everything fits when you just do it and don't time it. Whets the clock for anyway? It's not on/in time.. it's only correct for about a fraction of a second twice a year and the rest of the time it's slowly moving off it's alignment with the actual time of life.. so why time it at all? Why have a system that doesn't really tell you where you are in an exact sense of time?

Stop confusing the issues.. Forgetting the problems, ignoring the avalanche of discrimination, prejudice, stereotyping, petty ego primping and the degradation of everything that's irrelevant to your perspective anyway.. why shoot down the world and be unhappy.. stop it! There's nothing towhead, there's nothing to dislike, there's no reason to see those things or to dish them out as observant complaints.. There is nothing but positive focus.. just twist the lens a bit and start absorbing the light!!

LOVE!!!

2005-10-19T16:28:00.000-04:00

Sitting here alone just realizing that we're definately in need of times like this. They give us moments to reflect, to be alone with our thoughts, to put a halt to the duality and branch off into our little self paths which must have time to grow too. An example would be just these moments it takes for us to type out our thoughts, the ability to do so is inherent in us, but when we're around eachother it's a constant sort of distraction which demands that our thought-paths be constantly halted/detoured, our attention grabbed by our interjections.. We love giving eachother attention, We just need it for ourselves sometimes, just long enough to do things like this.. To breathe.

Walk together, talk together, plan together, create together, grow together, eat together, sleep together, love together, live together, come together. Oh but.. take breaks. Have something that gets you away from being combined for some time each day.

A little bit of love can take away the pain
but in every bit of love resides pain again.
You put every bit of yourself into your love
open your heart and hope it'll all rise above
the feeling of fear that keeps trickling in
that she thinks there's something more to win
sure there's more, plenty but not alone
win them apart or together then return home
since something as strong as a true bond
between two kind hearted people is strong
others will join us and some will fit well
but we'll already have grown to fit swell
so we'll love them too and enjoy our friends
until the life of our love or time ends
we're spirited energies writhing, entwined
alive more for our love than anything timed
we plan for the moments and in moments we act
our paths guide our moves with motions exact
each time we rub roughly and emotions rise
we both remain in the now and never hide
our love holds us true, strong to our bond
that's so much to fight for, to truly long
for no matter what the wonderful books say
theres really absolutely no statistical way
to cross paths with someone who'll not just
treat you like a butterfly, you're the best
they'll also be true, open, freeing to you
and want nothing more than just that too
Love them like there's no tomorrow and see
what tomorrow brings not for you, but for we.

Grimskunk - nice tidbit? lol

2005-10-15T21:16:00.000-04:00

"Texas Cult? Song"

I'm not a man
I'm God's only son
Humanity is sick
And work needs to be done
If you want to follow me
Surrender yourself
I will make you free

Some people think they always know what's going on
Can never admit that they said something wrong
Then one day they are exposed
They lose control they let it all explode

So it was decreed
By the lawmakers supreme
Bring them to their knees
Set them under siege

We'll stand our ground
And fight for what we think is right
And we ain't gonna play by your rules
Or obey your laws
If you want to you can come and get us
But you'd better be ready
'Cus we'll fight and we'll never surrender
And we're ready to die
And we're going to burn everything to the ground

~Grimskunk

- I like it.. you?

"Live For Today"

Wake up one lousy morning, turn 'round it's gone
I don't wanna make a stink
But now is all that really means anything
The future is a fickle thing
Take what you got, screw the lot, live for today
The world is a lonely place when you're against one another
Silly human, silly human, where you gonna go
Can't run away from he, run away from me, run away from you
You're standing on the sidelines
When all you've got is precious time
The world is a lonely place, gotta bring us together
One life, one chance, one love
I won't ever lose the pain
But something's gotta give, it's time to move
It'll never be the same again
What have we got to lose, live for today
The world is a lonely place when your friends have departed
I'll never get to see your face when we finish what we started
Sitting in my room with no idea where to go
After all this time you figure I really ought to know
But no one ever showed me how
To give up on my only vow
The world is a lonely place when you're left broken-hearted
I never figured this whole thing would end this way
To have to cut you free on a cold September day
Out there somewhere the sun's still shining on
It'll always find you,
Higher, take me away
Wata she wa mame
Out of the water and into the sky
One life, one chance, one love
I won't make the same mistakes
To sit around and wait my whole life long
A half a second's all it takes
To rob you of all your dreams
Live for today

Early or Late, I'm tired.

2005-10-15T03:23:00.000-04:00

Today's 6 Cib, 14 Yax.

6 is Rythmic. Cib is Ho lahun, Vulture. Time for sleep.. lol

Recent Art.

2005-10-14T17:46:00.000-04:00

Travelling in place..

2005-10-14T14:43:00.000-04:00

Today is 4(Self Existing) Men/Yax.

Men is interpreted as Eagle (Independent, ambitious and escapist, self-existing - measure & discipline) There's more interpretations but these serve the day.

Self Existing is the power of form itself. Order, definition, discrimination, natural cycles, meaningful alignment. 4 is a ray of measure, an alignment with natural cycles. It's a square, the base of a pyramid, a solid foundation that unifies the lines of directional forces.

Anywho, so I'm southern electric Sun aspiring to be self existing western eagle.. Thats a lot of different stuff to combine into one methodology for the day.. It's already 4:27pm and I've managed to write this, create some art from Digital Flux photography, renovate some art for Andre, mend that misconceptions there, organize the living room, set a time for moving the rest of my stuff, invite carl over for an evening of art, hoped to connect two people who need to comunicate over concerns and help each other help each other. I stayed up late last night sewing the Hunab Ku symbol onto the back of my white shirt(the one missing a strap argh.) It's done tho! The outline that is, I also began the design on the left arm which represents west to me facing outward. This will hold the 5 blue or western symbols of the mayan tzolkien. I wont be putting the symbols themselves on until I've got accurate representations from photographs of the proper structure of thier art. I'm picky like that.. :D

Letsee.. My mind is flying to the many things that could go down tonight, outings and gatherings, signals rubbing off on signals, so many places I could go that would not conform with my values.. I think that staying in and doing art will be good, bringing the few people who appreciate path seeking together to communicate and be free to express ourselves through our hearts and our hands..

The mushtrip things cancelled due to the weather, apparently this is a path that would not have led us forward so earth has decided to detour our thanksgiving onto a new path. So walk we will. Eyes open and spirited. Lets have fun people, but focus!

Are you ready for Fire?

2005-10-13T10:58:00.000-04:00

Today's Ix/Yax.

Ix is "White Wizard" (from the Tzolkien) ~ Integrity, heart-knowing, alignment with divine will, magician, shaman, night-seer, priest, enchanter, psychic, jaguar, torch bearer, magic.

Yax is The second in a series of the four cauac months. This glyph is a symbol for yax (green) as a prefix. The cauac symbol is a section body of a celestial dragon, a rain giving monster of Maya mythology. The glyph may also refer to the celestial dragon when it forms part of the month sign. Yax means new strong, blue and green in Yucatec and has the meaning of blue or green in practically every Maya language or dialect.

Today I focus on my integrity, alignment of my will with my heart. Today is a day for the preparation of magic, green magic. A new strong celestial dragon is being birthed in todays work, it's the foreplay of sorts, the love making before the lovemaking. I'm off on a journey seeking a special birthing ground, a place where friends can gather and feel safe. A place to bring music and the warmth of fire for a night of laughter and hugs and trips.

Get ready. It may be cold outside but we're gonna be warm!

Sharing Fire

2005-10-12T23:00:00.000-04:00

A couple weeks ago a couple of humans gathered in a strip of woods little known to the people of this city. A small piece of almost wild, wedged in between concrete and steel.. Here's a couple of pics, courtesy of our good friend Daniel. Unfortunately we haven't got any pics of Tim, who joined us later and of Daniel or Vince.. Maybe Daniel has some of Vince we haven't seen yet.. We'll see..

I moved across town yesterday. I now live off Iberville in the east. It's a nice change to be downtown instead of way out in Lasalle. Everything is much closer, this will facilitate art. Lets see where we're going next..

Looking Back

2005-10-11T20:26:00.000-04:00

I can see now that a lot of the time I've dedicated in the past to the various things that have held my interest and attention have had little to no meaning, they were unimportant, having little to do with coming together in myself or in reaching out to this world, hardly helping to expand conscious spirit around here. I've spent time, insurmountable amounts of time wasting time and being unhappy, craving for something.. something..

+

Well here it is.. it's about Y. Y is the shape of things. Y we reach out. Y we come together. Everything is about Y. So what's Y? It's life. It's everything. Think of a trees branching, your arms stretched outward, the merging of three paths, three people meeting and parting ways, people coming together to bond and then branching out to make new connections. A few posts back I talked about V. V was a concept, a half idea, something that came to me that wasn't clear but felt really strong. I didn't realize until Ix when a DJ pointed out to me something in the squareness of things we create.. The merging of two walls with the ceiling.. a corner. I immediately saw what I had been missing in the feeling of V, the I, the trunk, the bottom of the Y. Everything that branches has a trunk, a place to come from, a growth from a root. The reason it splits into two seperate branches is so that it can reach out and gather more of what it needs in order to survive.

The reason we reach out is so that we can gather more information about what it is to be alive, so that we can be more alive. One of our main problems as a people is that we place more emphasis on being free than we do on being alive. Our systems have enforced a sort of stupor on us and we no longer are reaching out, we're hiding instead. We are stuck in a sort of stupor loop, between our mode of account book/time keeping and our divided systems we get so confused and convinced that singularity wont amount to anything that we none of us bother to try.

Wake the fuck up! Reach out, tell people what the fuckin problems are, they're not small ones and theres not many of them, they're big fuckin problems these. And if we take a hard look at the way things are happening around here we'll all see that making these changes will change us all, and for the better.

1. Calendar(Account Book) change. We need a proper almanac. The mayans had the best one, everyone fucking knows this so get using it. Insurmountable numbers of people are already using the "Dreamspell" as their Almanac, this is a dirivitive, not the true mayan calendar, don't be fooled. (By the way, this is gonna screw up a lot of stuff that really needs to get screwed up {in terms of how society thinks and functions in the account book system}

2. Get rid of money. Design a system that treats everyone as equals (everyone everywhere!). We're all the same on earth, and if we were all treated the same with the same respect, we'd all be a hell of a lot better off and noone would end up positioning themselves aligned with negativity.

Um.. well thats all I've got for now.. hehe my brains tired.

Ix Pics!!

2005-10-11T09:16:00.000-04:00

Thanksgiving Fullmoon Gathering

2005-10-10T19:11:00.000-04:00

The 15th of October is two days before the full moon, it's a Saturday and it's gonna be special. IT's what we call the Thanksgiving Moon, it's the time for us to give thanks to this earth for the previous moons harvest. A small group of us are going to gathering in Montreal to sit around fire with instruments and trip together for the evening in the world of shrooms. It's a special time for us, since it's the last time we can gather together outside before the snow falls and we must remain indoors waiting for the melt to come.

Join us, theres no fee to come, just bring yourself, your instrument and your smile and prepare for a Psylocybin psychedelic experience with good friends in good time celebrating life on earth and love of each other. Join with us and be one!

Does my art make your art look bad?

2005-10-10T18:04:00.000-04:00

Why are people so self centered, selfish and self serving, why is it that it's so important for each of us to push ourselves on everyone else, force our way of doing things into the world of others? Why do we do and say things that are irrelevant, inconsequential and inconsistent with our normal modes of being. Why do we contine to insist that everyone else is doing it the wrong way when none of us are perfect, we're all the same?

Someone came to me the other day with a message that one of my clients, someone who I've given a lot of my time and energy to in the past, really disliked my efforts, really felt that my art made him and his look bad. This hit me hard, this was something that that person should have had the nerve to bring to me himself, not through a third party. Coming from this person this message was hurtful. This related to the photos three posts down this page.. At digital flux I spent the entire night taking photos, trying hard to capture the fun of the evening, the essence of the party. I'm no photographer, I'm new to cameras and I have a way of looking at things that's inconsistent with the methods others employ. I hate posers, every time I start to try to grab a photo of someone they want to pose for me, to face the camera and try to make some face or another so that they can be thier ego selves, self absorbed in the image. I hate this. I want you to continue doing everything as if I'm not there, so that I can catch you being yourself and maybe get a really artistic view of things. Not just that, I LOVE duration photos, thats images that capture motion without freezing it at high speed, I like the blurry realness of how people look in motion, I also like dark photos sometimes, they have a feel to them where everyone is a silouette and its the background that lit up..

The collection of photos three posts down from here were my favorites of all those I took at Digital flux, now they are half gone, deleted by an uncaring individual whose inability to identify with the image caused them to disregard the feelings of the artist who took them and even the people who helped to create them by being in them. That person took it upon themself to judge me and to forget to be respectful of my individuality.

He was pushy, trying very hard to force his way of doing things on me, telling me that I have to use the flash in order to take photos that people want to look at and that noone wants to look at my photos. He showed me something though, a little neat trick about covering the flash bulb with your finger in order to dim it.. I took that tidbit of advice and thanked him for it, but when he came to me again, seeing me take some more non-flash images & began to push into my methods with his insistance that I must do it his way. At this point I thanked him for his help but warned him that he was no longer helping me, but merely pushing me and that he had better stop pushing me or I would begin to push back. I can only take pushy insisting demands for so long, especially once I've already listened to and learned from the information being imparted.

This individual has put a barrier up between me and the person he spoke for. A barrier that wasn't there before and one that just may end our working relationship. I like the person he spoke for, so much so that I've given myself to his causes with full vigor and dedicated much of my time to his art. Now that I have learned that my art is not appreciated I no longer wish to give my time to his art, at least not fully. My time is precious to me, and when i give it freely and ask nothing in return and then have it insulted and dismissed as distasteful and unwanted by "everybody".. fuck! Fuck off!

The Benefit of Consciousness

2005-10-07T14:32:00.000-04:00

Something very interesting from the above url..

"Affinity is the feeling of being drawn toward things and people we agree with. Reality is what we agree upon and Communication is how you establish and maintain all agreements. It is with these 3 building blocks that all of spirit has built up the appearance of our Universe. 1.People like whatever they may agree with. (Natural law of attraction) 2.Spirits create Reality by agreement. (Majority rules is working like it or not) 3.Agreement is established with Communication. (Realities are changeable) 4.Communicating is all that you are ever doing with all of your senses. (Not just the familiar 5) 5.This activity builds or creates any and all Understanding. (Conscious Evolution)"

V - Reaching Out, Changing Direction

2005-10-06T23:35:00.000-04:00

Well, looks like things are workin out rather well, option to move to buddy Daniels has reopened, made itself apparently available once more. What's meant to be is meant to be, everything in time is timed to space itself accordingly. Everyone I've been in time with has helped me in my space. I've moved through my space in time with everything that makes my reality real to me. I've not always found my reality in the space I move through and not always have I found that space was where I wanted to be moving. Something about this space perturbed me, it hardened my heart and wanted me to back away slowly while not taking my eyes off it. A starving wolf wanting a meal, any meal and I look tasty.

What point would there be in allowing myself to be drawn into any one religious belief, all have so much validity but none are truths. They are matter and they don't matter at all. Everything of this earth is OF this earth. There is nothing here that did not grow or become a derivitive by us of this hunk of spinning planet we're travelling on. Who's "GOD"? Where does he reside? Is there an "afterlife" and if so which "faith" has it all or even partially right? Whose interpretation of ancient cultures is correct, is the Dreamspell nothing more than a misinterpretation of almanacs from various cultures combined with some mysticism? When I go searching for the mayan calendar and am confronted with the Dreamspell I'm confused.. This isn't right, these arent the correct drawings of the glyphs, those day and month names are one thing here and another there, the derived meaning from some of those drawings really perturbs me.

I've "felt" for some pretty base natural undescribable things during my lsd trips, they relate (in my current view of them - this is maliable) in some way to reaching out and changing direction, nothing more nothing less.. it's a really tough thing for me to put into words, It came to me during dance, theres are a few steps I've taught myself and have a real naturalness to them, something deeper than the dance itself, almost at the level of string theory as if my motion reflected those of MY strings... This is just one reflection of the mirror that is pointed at the other mirro in my mind containg this information between them.. I'm referencing this against many different aspect of my reality and trying to connect it where i know it goes..

anyway nuff for now.. can't wait to get my shit across town!

Digital Imagery

2005-10-04T11:52:00.000-04:00

Psychoactive

2005-10-04T08:53:00.000-04:00

Time passes, growth concurrently considers everything and moves out in all directions licking everything and pushing its way through and into this reality. I create what reality I choose to exist in, I feel for my way, step onto the path and walk it with joy and excitement. In anything and everything you do, if you "feel for the music" of it, you will always be prepared to be taken up by it to the fullest.

There was a moment when Carl and I were talking in the chill room, and I think Stan was playing some of his intelligent stuff and it just grabbed me away from Carl for a moment, I was still listening to him, but my feet were no longer mine, they were owned by the melodies and beats. Carl commented that it was very cool how I could just be taken like that, while still partaking in the conversation.. It made me think about something Anne has written before..

"to wherever you are, to whatever you do, the ability to enjoy is all about the presence you put into it, all about how much you want to be here and actually are here and now."

In other words.. In anything you do.. if you just listen to and feel the music of it, you will always dance to it with the most joy and interest and enthusiam available to you, the music is there in all things everywhere and always, just stop ignoring it.

Another weekend, another party, another lsd experience, nothing but paths to take, no doors to open, no walls to go around.. Opening up, branching out, reaching out in all directions but not clinging to anything in particular.. My growth depends on my ability to seek it in all areas of my existance, for my reality is created by me and all things that push into it are really just drawn by my mind. Everything outside my inside is a figment of my imagination, I imagine its good or I imagine its bad, but in reality, in my reality I just wonder at it all. It's all just wonderful.

Movin Monday..

2005-09-29T21:47:00.000-04:00

Between fat pants alterations, bristol board cutout drawings and cooking a huge yummy stir fry I find out the apartment downstairs is rented, dats fine, leads me to the option I kinda was rooting for subconsciously anyway.. It'll mean a bit of compromise and a pain in the ass move across town but the big D is welcomin me in and doesen't at all mind passionate cries at weird times of day. Chats allowed!

Time for art, growth, love, and life! Livin downtown means a bit of shift in perspective, a search for babalonian employment, bleh. Well, what must be done will be done. Freelance web/print design is too intermittent, need stable income that'll pay off my surmounting debts yay.

So, fly downtown, grab flyers for Digital Flux, pay Dan-the-man, buy groceries, pick up the sheet of scooby dooby doo! Get rid of half of it and pay off some debts. My birthday on Sunday morning at 8:20am, guess where I'll be? You guessed it, Digital Flux!! Dancin my sensational ass off and givin gifts to my friends! Yep, thats right, on my birthday YOU get a gift lol, well, a few of ya do, cause youre so damn nice and I love ya so much!

Aspire to de dared. Dare to Aspire.

2005-09-27T19:17:00.000-04:00

Check out Earthbeats 27 Sep 2005|10:19am post. For that matter check out just about every one of them, for in her resides a master poet and writer, dappled with daring aspirations of liberation and love. I love her, she's me and we're one to create magic and plant seeds, were warriors of the earth, licking everything and rubbing ourselves up against you all. Can you feel us? We're that big smily feeling you get when you think about making love to your mate or the funny look on your childs face when hes playing with ice cream.. We're that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you see lost ones reunited with thier families, or when two people work things out and become good friends again. We're that person who smiles at you on the subway and sidewalk, who's laughing at the front table or singing in the back seat, we're the hitchiker you didn't stop to pick up who you missed having a great conversation with. We're living and loving it and why wouldnt we be? There's nothing better to be doing.

Raver Manifesto?

2005-09-27T10:37:00.000-04:00

Here's a little something I'd like to have on a card in my pocket so that I can hand a copy to every officer who approaches me in order to force my freedoms from my possession during a party. Shut us down will ya? Get a grip, you can turn it down but you can't turn it off. Thanks for pointing this out to me. The TO cops shut us down at about 7am at Shakti Collective Birthday Bash! Bleh and our ride to Ottawa dissapeared and we had to do the whole trip.. which was fine too, met some really great people on the highway! Thanks for the lifts!! Thumbin it is the only way to travel, you can always count on the nicest people to be the ones to stop.

W O R D S

Our emotional state is ecstasy.
Our nourishment of choice is love.
Our addiction of choice is technology.
Our religion of choice is music.
Our currency of choice is knowledge.
Our politics of choice is none.
Our society of choice is utopian.
You may hate us.
You may dismiss us.
You may misunderstand us.
You may be unaware that we exist.

We can only hope you do not care to judge us because we would never judge you. We are no criminals. We are not disillusioned. We are not drug addicts. We are not naïve children. We are one massive, global, tribal village that transcends man-made law, physical geography, and time itself. We are The Massive: One Massive.

We were first drawn by the sound. From far away the thunderous, muffled, echoing beat was comparable to a mothers heart soothing a child in her womb of concrete, steel, and electrical wiring. We were drawn back into this womb, and there, in the heat, dampness, and darkness of it, we came to accept that we are all the same. We came to accept that we are all equal.

Not only to the darkness, and to ourselves, but to the very music slamming into us and passing through our souls: and somewhere around 35Hz, we could feel the hand of God at our backs pushing us forward, pushing us to push ourselves to strengthen our minds, bodies, and spirits. Pushing us to turn to the person beside us to join hands and uplift them by sharing the uncontrollable joy we felt from creating this magical bubble that can, for one evening, protect us from the horrors, atrocities and pollution of the outside world. It is in that very instant with these very realizations that each of us is truly born.

We continue to pack ourselves into clubs, warehouses, or buildings youve abandoned and left for naught, and we bring life to them for one night; strong, throbbing, vibrant life in its purest, most intense, most hedonistic form. In these makeshift soaves, we seek to shed ourselves of the burden of uncertainty for a future you have been unable to stabilize and secure for us. We seek to relinquish our inhibitions and free ourselves from the shackles and restraints that you have put on us for your own peace of mind.

We seek to re-write the programming that you have tried to indoctrinate us with since the moment we were born. Programming telling us to hate, that tells us to judge, that tells us to stuff ourselves with the nearest most convenient pigeonhole possible. Programming that even tells us to climb the ladders, jump through the hoops, and run through the mazes for you. Programming that tells us to eat from the silver spoon that you are trying to feed us with, instead of nourishing ourselves with our own capable hands. Programming that tells us to close our minds, instead of opening them!

Until the sun raises to burn our eyes by revealing the distorted reality of the world you have created for us, we dance fiercely with our brothers and sisters in celebration of our life, of our culture, and of the values we believe in: Peace, Passion, Energy, Love, Freedom, Tolerance, Unity, Harmony, Expression, Responsibility, and Respect.

Our Enemy of choice is ignorance.
Our weapon of choice is information.
Our crime of choice is breaking and challenging whatever laws you feel you need to put in our place to stop us from celebrating our existence.

But know that while you may shut down any given party, on any given night, in any given city, in and given country or continent on this beautiful planet, you can never shut down the entire party. You dont have access to that switch no matter what you think.

The Music will never stop - The Heartbeat will never fade - The Party will never end. I am a Raver, and this is my Manifesto.

Author unknown.

Todays Mayan Philosophy..

2005-09-23T10:50:00.000-04:00

By the power of Four, these portals bridge the Earth with the Cosmos! Painted in 1991, these oval shaped paintings represent a sequence of cosmic perceptions that begin on the Isle of Maui and proceed to the Cosmic Egg at the center of the universe.
Cosmic Egg ~ Cosmic Eye

Paintings by Jose Arguelles-Valum Votan

Sept 23 / Electric Moon day 4 - The Electric moon is number 3 of 13. - Year of the Yellow Cosmic Seed

kin 163: Blue Resonant Night
~ I Channel in order to Dream
~ Inspiring Intuition
~ I seal the Input of Abundance
~ With the Resonant tone of Attunement
~ I am guided by the power of Vision

Some interesting links..
o chamado do beija-flor ~ The Call of the Hummingbird is a sacred planetary convocation that will gather individuals and collectives that already work in their Bioregions for social, ambiental and human harmony, and for the establishment of Gaia equilíbrium.

Dream of Peace Network ~ The idea of a culture in which dreams are honoured and appreciated.

Solar Seals ~ Time as a Frequency ~ Foundation for the Law of Time

Ancestral Roots of Thirteen Moons ~ In many traditions of the native tribes of America is the knowledge of the sacred turtle of time. This is the origin of the naming of Earth as Turtle Island. The Green Turtle's shell has 13 inner scales and 28 outer scales. It is through embodying this harmony that the Earth was named after the Turtle.

13 Moons x 28 Days = 364 + 1 Day Out of Time = 365

Revolution of Time ~ “If the Gregorian calendar was to be offered as a new device for measuring time, we, with our present knowledge would reject it as something utterly impracticable, lacking in harmony and order, unbalanced and irregular, too clumsy a calendar to make calculations by…” B. Richmond, Time Measurements and Calendar Construction.

Planet Art Network ~ World 13 Moon Calendar Change Peace Movement ~ Dedicated to Peace Through Culture

Prayer of the Seven Galactic Directions

From the East
House of Light
May wisdom dawn in us
so we may see all things in clarity

From the North
House of Night
May wisdom ripen in us
so we may know all from within

From the West
House of Transformation
May wisdom be transformed into right action
so we may do what must be done

From the South
House of the Eternal Sun
May right action reap the harvest
so we may enjoy the fruit of planetary being

From Above
House of Heaven
Where star people and ancestors gather
may their blessings come to us now

From Below
House of Earth
May the heartbeat of her crystal core
bless us with harmonics to end all war

And from the Center
Galactic Source
Which is everywhere at once
May everything be known as the light of mutual love

Oh Yum Hunab Ku Evam Maya E Ma Ho!
Oh Yum Hunab Ku Evam Maya E Ma Ho!
Oh Yum Hunab Ku Evam Maya E Ma Ho!

Couple recent poems..

2005-09-23T02:55:00.000-04:00

Meanderings..
have you ever smiled so large that it felt
as if your mouth had become part of your chest,
and your cheeks a part of your shoulders
spread wide to hug the world with your grin?

have you walked naked amongst the masses
without fear or ego and felt truly free to just be,
shouted, cried, sang, laughed wildly on a bus
challenged someone to be happy by smiling?

do you live each moment, no worry for the next
alive and sensitive to everything in the now
giving your full attention to the little things
striving for syncronicity with the surrounding world?

is babylon dumbing your senses, teaching you
to lock out and block out the connections around you
to shut yourself into the fading media fairy tale
or to release into a higher more natural reality?

where are we going, is 2012 gonna be special
will we have a weight of individuals with connection
a new balance on the side of earth and root return
place yourself in this now, you've made change, see?

Untitled
this way that way
in no one place stay
changing, growing, shedding skin
reliving, laughing, all akin
you are me and i am you
all the same, yes you too
branching is reaching for a hand
rooted trees hugging the land
holding on with a love
leaves saluting all above
caressing every passer by
tangled weavings love no lie
earth beats toll curving tones
spectral song returning home
softer, slowly, waking time
a light licking touch so sublime
sharing shifting rippling waves
free yourself, remember raves

Being Be
little love
big love
misunderstood
don't feel good
kept inside
left to slide
enough pain
let tears rain
another day
another play
intertwined hands
magical lands
perfect vibe
love survives
flowers bloom
music booms
all in trance
we wildly dance
loving hugs
homeward tugs
living free
being be

Be 100% Tongue
open your tongue to a whole new set of senses
relax, breath, feel the energies around your body
look deeper into life and feel the syncronicites
free your mind of the dullness of semi-sensing
attune yourself to the harmonies and melodies
of life without physical constraints and analyticism
seek true oneness of everything attuned to everything
once you've arrived in this place of true wonder
things never before apparent lift free from solidity
technicolored energy patterns roll over everything
life of music and projected love laughing everywhere
magic mirrors of everything, now visible, coalesced
spiraling and twisting from an unfolding elbow
reaching out with fingers, branches seeking more love
intertwined worlds, one on top of the next, really real.
undumb your senses, lick and be licked by everything
just being a tongue is not enough, can you really lick?

Little Red Spectral Earth Wolf
A phantasm of light and shadows, rainbows of color
flexing its mighty shoulders and shaking loose the pains
living for the moment and in it with a sense of now
never a before or after, only an everlasting nowness

Sunset on autumn leaves, whispering thoughtfully in winds
blood red fires of flowing love melting into warm blue blankets
a million million shifting sparkling smiles on the ocean
inviting a moment of pure joy in oneness with everynothing

song to the midnight twisting mists corporeal
howled madly and with sorrowful joy brought forth
wrenched from the kundilini forces by the spirit Kali
in a puff of smoke transformed into mystical fireflies

each sparkling little creature flutters about intently
coming to rest along the moist dark coat carried by lupe
into the embrace of everything on the back of adaptation
marked by no passing of anynothing every time

Polyamorousness

2005-09-23T02:17:00.000-04:00

:participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships.

I'm polyamorous. I love everyone. I'm not gay, or even bi, but I'm open. I'm becoming more free. I want to be really free, truly open and honestly unrestricted by societal programming. I don't want to feel tied to someone with restrictions, but I do want a connection to one person that will weather all others. I want someone to share everything with but until that time I am open to whoever wants to share real love in moments and live each other, two becoming one. I love two at the moment, both for different reasons and in different ways, but the love for both is real and strong. Both are aware of the other and both understand the whys for it and accept with a bit of hesitance and love for each other. One wants very little to do with the other, she is hurt, she was here first, but she's caught in a trap of her own making and tries to bite anyone who attempts to help her out, the other wants nothing more than to give the first one love but also does not wish to be bitten.

Whats age?

2005-09-23T01:15:00.000-04:00

Why do we bind ourselves into a mindset that puts so much importance on the difference in age between two people? My age, my number of years alive and that air of experience that comes from years of this and that, the attitude I convey and enact through wonder, my supposed age.. theyre different. I've done 31 trips around the ball of fire over there, I've got some milage, but I'm not years. I'm living and in living I can and will be whatever spirit my soul desires and that does not allow for conform into the societal supposedness of years.

Years do not exist for me, only moments, now and now again. I am always 1. I have been 1, 31 times, and in this I will always remain young. Now is better than later or before, since I'm here now I may as well remain in a state of youthful wonder and live with joy and love for every-every. I'm connected to someone more youthful than me though, less in worldy years but more in earthly wisdom, shes a shamaness of the heart and once shes travelled the path as long a I, she'll be so radiant in her wisdom and love that she'll rub off on everyone around her. She hasn't had reflection "time" on the subject of age and our distance disturbs her because of babylon. I feel outside of time, and live for her now, I've never licked the world like I do when we're together and I see only bigger licks ahead.

-Idea.. lets start a local chapter of Rainbow in montreal.. see if we can get things started here, pass on the reigns once it's self supporting and head off to the next place to do the same? Montreals a good spot to start, that is, since we're here.. There's always that other idea..

Love and Freedom

2005-09-23T00:33:00.000-04:00

What?

2005-09-22T23:26:00.000-04:00

What am I to you? What sort of question is that to ask, there are so many answers, too many ways to phrase it, so many misinterpretations.. Who am I, who are you? We're changing every moment of every moment and it's not now what it was then. What you've been to me: teacher, lover, companion, friend. What you'll be to me: partner, soul mate and live travelling companion, family, best friend and the reason for my living.

Would I drop everything and risk it all to leave this place for a chance at real freedom and a possible life with you? Would I be doing it for me? That depends, I'd be doing a part of it for me of course, but there is also a part of it I'd be doing for us and a part I'd be doing for you too. The me part is for self growth, experience, wonder and love/freedom/connection to the earth and my fellow everythings. The part that would do it for us, seeks a partnership of love, life and growth together, share experiences, challenge each other and, hopefully at some point, create a new life together and bring another rainbow into the gathering. The part that would do it for you loves your way of things and wants you to be happy and free so that your life will be as full as it deserves to be. You are truly a wonder and wonderful, so keep wondering why wonders wonder wonderously. waitaminnut.. snicker.

Tomorrow night can be a small rainbow gathering of sorts for us, I've invited Carl, Vince, Frank, Bruce, etc. to possibly go camping at that special spot we spoke about. See if there's anyone else that'd like to come, that is.. if you're up to it..

Harvest Festival

2005-09-20T13:38:00.000-04:00

You know..

2005-09-20T10:29:00.000-04:00

I used to think that technology would be something that would take us back to our roots rather than away from them but it appears this isnt the case. As we are now, on a globally conscious level, we're amassing on the land and covering it with ashphalt and concrete, electricity and chemicals. We're slowly overtaking every single inch of land this planet has to offer, we're killing it and it's doing nothing more than trying to live in syncronicity with us.

Technology DOES have the potential to offer us a means of arresting this route we're travelling, a way for us to retouch our older selves, to unlearn the restrictions we've placed on our senses and our minds. It all in the approach though. We're teaching such limited things to our children, allowing mass media to mold us into numbed sensory deprivation, we're so used to blocking out the crap that comes our way we don't even notice how much of it there really is!

Open your eyes people, we're everywhere, we're relentless and we're doing much harm to ourselves. Let's do something about all this! Watch what you buy, is it organic, local, does it come in overly excessive packaging? Are you recycling everything you can be? Do you walk past the garbage on your streets like everyone else or do you pick it up? Is your vehicle still burning fossil fuels??? How much energy do you use every year? How much water? What sort of energy do you carry around with you? Is it one of syncronicity or of self containment, are you rubbing positivite messages of conservation and simplicity or do you exlemplify waste and the inability to give a damn? You'd better start giving a damn, if the last few years global catastrophies don't give you half a clue to how close we are to really screwing this planet up, then you'd better check what strength outlet youre plugged into, you need more juice.

We're seeking..

2005-09-20T09:59:00.000-04:00

Today it's living quarters, something suitable and affordable. We'll dig thru reams of listings looking for that special something to share and make home for a time while dreaming about the wonderful creations we'll be making once we're all settled in. Digital Flux is coming up.. we've got to grow our little deco collection in time to contribute! Hurry and arrive, I miss you!

The dance of earth..

2005-09-19T23:19:00.000-04:00

How do I dance, is it self centered with my eyes closed, thoughts facing inward and irrational shyness creating knots of fear in my energies? Do I hold back my shoulders, push out my chest, stomp madly on the ground and wave my arms wildly in every sweeping arc they can create while smiling into everyones eyes and encouraging them to feel as free as they can be? The latter is where I'll be. It's felt so uncomfortable to dance in front of others in the past, not just to dance in front of them, but also to dance with them, really partake in the art of interpersonal dance amongst many.

The other night I was more free to be me than ever before, dancing with nurture in mind, moving about everyone with an air of loving embrace, I found myself flowing all over the dance floor again and again, creating a new level of energy amongst those gathered where it had begun to dissipate. I want to be more free.

True Sense?

2005-09-19T20:17:00.000-04:00

What world are we seeing? Is "seeing" an apt word to describe the sensations involved with taking in the stream of data that is life around us? Besides light wavelengths, what exists in this world that can be sensed and interpreted into our visual cortexes in addition to our actual "sight"? How many ways can we interpret the stream of data we're being input with?

Linkage

2005-09-19T20:06:00.000-04:00

Visit:
Awakening - By Raeveuse Lucide/Lucid Dreamer
To All Children - By Raeveuse Lucide/Lucid Dreamer
Harvest Festival by AlienInFlux
Digital Flux - Phonolite/Psychonaut October 1st
Kali Info - on Sophias rave.ca journal
Rainbow - Family of Living Light

What drives me..

2005-09-19T10:06:00.000-04:00

She asked me this, wanting some answer for her heart to decide upon. Wondering if truth had us moving together for the right reasons and if there was a correctness between us that kept eluding her. She needed answers, she didn't feel it, it wasn't there for her, or maybe it was that I wasn't aligned to her as I should have been.

I took a long time to think about this, she asked me again, unhappy I could not provide her with some answer and wondering if the question was still on my mind. It has never left me, even though I thought I had the answer.. "passion" I now know it was wrong, that is not what drives me, it is a force which merely helps my drive continue. I wanted a better answer, something deeper and more real, passion comes and goes it does not drive me, i am driving it.

|What does drive me? A better word comes to mind, but since I am evolving I may come to another conclusion as my skins fall off. For now though, it is "wonder" which is the force behind my exploration in this life. I do not "wonder about things" I "wonder in things" Everything is a wonder of sensation, I taste it all with an urge to be connected to it, I wonder at it's simplicity and its complexity, its interconnectivity with me and everynothing.

She is a wonder to me, a flower to wonder at as it spirals into bloom and impresses it's scent and taste upoon me. She is everything in my world, but we are in different gardens. I want to replant myself or ask the gardener to bring her to my patch of grass.. I want to lean over and touch her, but she draws away from me, and I am left alone. She is next to me, but so far away in her oneness with self she has no room for me at her roots. I wonder if she will ever see that I am her and we belong.

I was one with the world the other day, more one than I've ever been, lost in an lsd awakend state of sensation, able to divine truth in everything for a time and see something special growing between me and her, flowers blooming from our connection, something inside me said this is absolutely right and that life will come from us two become one, a sparkling beautiful creation that was meant from us. Not the physical creations we plan together, a new life and in my vision, the earth rejoices for it. I wish it could be, I wonder at it.

Earth

2005-09-16T01:36:00.000-04:00

Some mayan stuff..

Earth: Dissonance & Letting Go "Being in balance requires maintaining a position of centeredness while being right in the middle of things. The qualities of the Mayan Earth glyph are evolution, navigation & synchronicity."

11:11
Middle Earth
Eclipse Midpoint
Middle Moon
11:11

I Dissolve in order to Evolve
Releasing Synchronicity
I seal the Matrix of Navigation
With the Spectral tone of Liberation
I am guided by my own power doubled

Take off your shoes. Touch the one Earth. Find a place to dance with the sacred hoop of life. Contribute your vision as an awakened member of the global rainbow family!

In La'Kesh

2005-09-15T09:38:00.000-04:00

Deep inside the core an energy resides, roiling and squeezing, expanding with fiery heat and dark emotional distress. It creates a feeling of uneasyness, uncertainty and indiscribable madness, a need for release into light and air from the earth. The future is certain, twisting into/out of the fabric of universal timelessness and oneness with In La'Kesh. Gravity and magnetism are warriors for the spirit and radiate eternally outward pulling us into each everyself. I must let go of dissonance and strip away complexity to understand simplicity and free my essence self from things that no longer serve to create my emerging wholeness. White wind, blue hand, yellow seed and red earth, symbols of growth and energies that bind eyes open and shape them into loving oracles of truth.

I am the Red Spectral Earth, slip into my mists and walk barefoot in my clay and sand and fire and the moist/damn coolness of my nature. We carry each other, it is you on me on you. Together in this balance of life/death, energized/vaccuum ignoring the truths and dispelling disillusionment. We follow the path and live the moments always helping each other, step by step to strip away the definitions of self and let our true selves be free!